White People Stuff: Pouring Milk All Over Yourself, Calling It “Milking”

In this day and age, people will do just about ANYTHING for attention on the Internet. First there was “Planking,” then “Teapotting,” then “Owling,” then “Horsemanning,” then “Batmanning,” then “Tebowing.” And now … ladies and gentlemen … we present to you the dumbest Internet craze of them all. MILKING!

What is milking you, ask? Well, it’s very simple.

You go to the store. Buy some milk (preferably a half-gallon, or a full gallon if you really want to be adventurous) and then you go into a public place and empty the entire contents over your head.

See? It’s simple AND stupid!

The trend was apparently started in the U.K. by a 22-year-old Newcastle college student named Tom Morris, who recalled standing around the kitchen with his buddies one day thinking “it would be really funny.”

So they “milked” themselves outside of a local Starbucks, then uploaded it to Facebook. After the video “got a load of likes,” Morris and his buddies decided to make an entire compilation video of random people “milking” themselves and uploaded it to YouTube.

To this day, that video has well over 200,000 views and it gets more viral every day.

George Hoyland, a participant in the “Milking Newcastle” video, said:

“We didn’t expect a reaction this large, the video was initially intended for our friends. We didn’t think the video would stretch much further than our friends and would be disappointed if it created any animosity between students and residents. The smell of sour milk is present all over our house, and the laundry pile is high!”

Now that their video is viral, people are “milking” themselves all over the U.K. The “most pointless internet craze yet,” as the Daily Mail put it, has spread to Oxford, Edinburgh and Nottingham, and as more people find out about it … it’s possible that it could spread even further.

And once it spreads, there will be no stopping it. White people all over the world will be milking themselves to no end!

Sorry folks, but you will NEVER catch a person of color pouring milk all over themselves. For one, milk is almost $4/gallon. And two, most black people are lactose intolerant anyway … so ain’t nobody got time for that!


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