Keg stands? Those are so year 2000 and oh-so late. What’s in these days are alcohol enemas. You heard right, members of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity at the University of Tennessee have apparently taken up the practice of shoving hoses up their anuses and flooding their rectums with booze.
What could go wrong with that?
Apparently, a lot.
One of the frat boys who decided to get butt drunk, 20-year-old Alexander P. Broughton, was hospitalized for severe alcohol poisoning after his butt was filled with alcohol, according to The Huffington Post.
There was no official word on what alcohol these boys were shoving up their anuses exactly, but we bet it was nothing but cheap Parrot Bay vodka and Yuengling.
No, but really. Officers did find several young men passed out in their bedrooms with “bags from wine boxes, some empty and some partially empty, strewn across the halls and rooms.” So it was definitely cheap box wine. Classy.
But why on earth are kids filling their asses up with alcohol, instead of chugging it orally in the first place?
Because the alcohol hits harder and faster when it’s absorbed directly into the intestinal tract instead of passing through the stomach first. (Well, duh!)
Here’s more details on the science behind booty chugging:
Columbia Health’s Go Ask Alice! forum addressed the issue of butt chugging back in 2006.
“Because the primary job of the intestines is to absorb nutrients into the body, if you put alcohol directly into your colon, it will be absorbed much more rapidly than it would be if it entered your body orally,” Columbia Health’s “Alice” said to an inquiring student. “It can make you very drunk, very quickly. Because everyone’s body is different, it’s hard to judge how much or how quickly an alcohol enema would affect any one person.”
Alcohol enemas can be very dangerous or even deadly because an individual can “use too much alcohol or keep it inside for too long.” Once alcohol enters the bloodstream, it cannot get back out. In 2004, a Texas woman was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that caused his death, Reuters previously reported.
The real question is who is shoving the hose up whose ass, and who’s washing these hoses as they’re being passed around from anus to anus?
Not only does this sound very homoerotic, but it also sounds like a great way to spread e.coli and other nasty butt germs.
Nasty, nasty, all around. Jesus be some antibacterial soap and a bucket of bleach.