Friends. None of these “Basketball Wives” have them. Because if they did, they wouldn’t be such harpies to one another.
In the fifth episode of “Basketball Wives”, things come to a head as the good gossip reaches Evelyn’s ears about what Tasha has been saying about her incident with Chad.
It all starts with Tasha and her wretched, disastrous Celebrity Weave Bar. Apparently, her play-cousin or whatever nincompoop she got running that shop has got her all jacked up. Tasha has a grand opening in a few days and when she visits the venue, it still looks like there’s months of work left to do on the joint.
Not only is the salon not customer-ready, but there’s no electricity and the place is running on generator power. Tasha, are you opening your weave bar in Haiti or something? Cause this can’t be America.
Needless to say, Tasha is mad as all hell and she tries to be patient with her minion, but she playfully pantomimes headbutting the woman. What that lady doesn’t know is that the VH1 cameras saved her life, cause if the tape wasn’t rolling, you know Tasha would’ve dropkicked that chick in her throat for dropping the ball like that.
So Tasha meets up to go shopping with Shaunie and she vents to Ms. O’Neal about the catastrophic state of her weave bar. She also mentions that she was so furious about the situation that she wanted to headbutt her assistant.
At the word “headbutt,” Shaunie’s ears perk up and she goes, “Wait a minute” like her name was Ray J. Shaunie’s eyebrows are raised and her tone switches because she knows that Tasha just tried to low key shade her girl Evelyn over Chad “Ochocinco” giving her the E. Honda special.
Sensing she’s in danger, Tasha insists that her headbutt comment had nothing to do with Evelyn’s situation. Shaunie pretends to understand but baby, as soon as she exits that shop, she hits Evelyn up and lets her know the tea.
Lunch Ladies Let Loose
As usual, the “Basketball Wives” settle their beef while breaking bread, so they gather together to squash the tension between Tami and Shaunie about…oh, you know what I’m talking about.
Anyway, they rehash that for a little bit and Tasha insists that Shaunie’s comment had no bearing on her impression of Tami. If anything, Tami probably did more damage to her first impression with Tasha by getting all street over that damn Bud Light.
The ladies squawk and squabble for a little bit, but things turn really sour really quick when Evelyn dismissively puts up her hand in Tami’s direction and drops the word, “bitch.”
Before you can say, “Bitch, hold my drink!” Tami is up in Evelyn’s face taunting her to “put your hand up again.” Yep, the Old Tami is back.
Thankfully, the Old Evelyn doesn’t make an appearance because the otherwise, we would’ve been back to square one. Old Ev would’ve barked right back, spilled a drink in Tami’s face and snatched a weave or two. But Evelyn kept her cool and told Tami to cut it out because she was looking crazy. Shaunie, as usual, was able to get through to her and convinced Tami to sit down.
Whew. Don’t you just love the Tami show? It’s like babysitting a 2-year-old with ADD and Tourette syndrome.
After Tami’s turnt down, Tasha decides to turn up and show out. Evelyn brings up the fact that she heard from a reliable source (read: Shaunie) that Tasha was going around making cracks about headbutting her assistant, which she found to be oddly coincidental, since most people don’t threaten to headbutt people, but usually stick with slap or kick ass when making threats.
In other words, Evelyn feels a little shade coming from Tasha.
Tasha insists, once again, that she wasn’t referencing Evelyn when she made the comment. But she does come clean about the time she was in the limo with Suzie and she cracked a joke about Evelyn needing to wear a helmet on her future dates to avoid a repeat domestic violence scenario.
The producers then play back a flashback of Suzie and Tasha yukking it up at that lame-ass joke.
As soon as Tasha says Suzie’s name in connection to the joke at Evelyn’s expense, Suzie turns about 15 shades of white.
Suzie spent a whole season being bullied and kicked around by Evelyn before and she’s not ready to do that again. So when Evelyn confronts Suzie about being in Tasha’s presence when the joke was said, Suzie mumbles that she takes domestic violence very seriously and only chuckled because she knew Tasha wasn’t serious.
I hope Suzie was wearing her pantyliners that day cause I know she pissed herself with those eye daggers Evelyn was throwing her way.
But before Evelyn can lose her cool, Tasha points out that Ev put her personal business about her husband, Stephon’s affair with their chef in her book without asking and she brushed it off. In other words, you owe me, bitch.
Evelyn agrees and tries to swallow her pride, the pill is too big and too bitter. Instead, she ends up tearing up as she recalls that while it might be a joke for her, her husband headbutting her is a painful memory that’s all too real for her.
After a fear tears strategically roll down her made-up face, Evelyn excuses herself from the lunch and walks out the door.
These birds were acting so ratchet that they succeeded in giving EVELYN LOZADA moral high ground to stand on. Is this real life?
One of the subplots of this episode revolves around Shaunie working with play J.D. Lawrence. He has teamed up with Shaquille O’Neal’s ex-wife to create a play called……”Wives of Basketball.”
Really? Can Shaunie create ONE venture without riding on the coattails of her status as the ex-wife of a famous basketball player? Can the bitch put together a fictional piece about the Big Bad Wolf or something? Anything other than the lifestyles of the Married to the Famous?
Anyway, J.D. is eager for screentime and I guess he thinks he can be the Tyler Perry to Shaunie’s Oprah so the two are working together.
We get to watch some actors read lines from this play and the reading goes pretty well. But things take a dramatic turn for the worse when Shaunie’s young pup of a boyfriend tries to read for a part.
His reading is awful. But No one says otherwise because he’s putting it down on Shaunie. And baby, Shaunie thinks he did “great.” The whole time while Marlon was performing, Shaunie’s old cougar was sitting there grinning from ear to ear like a proud mother at her little boy’s Christmas recital. It was so creepy.
Marlon will no doubt get the role, because he’s screwing the boss, but let it be known that his dreadful acting is so repugnant that he makes Shemar Moore look like Denzel Washington.