Look ma, no hands! Sperm donation just got that much easier now that researchers at Zhengzhou Central Hospital in China have created a machine that…well, sucks the donor off, pretty much.

The machine boasts a screen for visual stimulation (read: porn) while the pink massager strokes the man’s donor pipe to ultimate pleasure. All he has to do is stand back and enjoy the hands-free masturbation.

“The machine can be used by men who cannot donate sperm in the old-fashioned way,” said Zhu Guoxin, director of the urology department at the hospital. “This machine is only recommended for patients who’ve had difficulty retrieving sperm. Users must use a condom, but lubricant and chemicals on condoms will affect the accuracy of the test results.”

Check out a video clip showing the device in action below:

If it weren’t for the $2,800 price tag, pubescent boys everywhere would be begging Santa Claus to drop one of these babies off at their house this Christmas.

This love machine would sell out faster than the iPhone 5 if it was under $500 bucks. Maybe the researchers can work on a more compact version for the mass market.

Unfortunately, mens’ forearms will probably get a lot smaller as a result of the reduction in activity.


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