Jamal’s Dangerous Dance with the Gay Mafia
It seems as though the writers of Empire have run out of things to do with Jamal. His story, which started out intriguing, has devolved into a jumbled, scattered mess.
First, he’s a closeted gay man. Then he’s an out and proud gay man in a monogamous relationship. Then he’s a cheating, wandering-eye having gay man. And then, wait, he’s straight-curious and has a fling with Skye, the cute pop star played by Alicia Keys. Oh no, wait, he’s not straight. He’s still gay, he just kissed a girl and kinda sorta liked it.
The latest twist in Jamal’s sexuality: He’s fluid.
In other words, he’s gay but if he feels like making out or having sex with a woman when the blows a certain way, then he’s ok with that.
This ping pong with Jamal’s sexuality is exhausting and it’s clear that the writers are determined to use this ambiguity as some form of empowerment (don’t label love and all that shit). In case all of this back and forth about Jamal’s fluid sexuality didn’t drive the point home enough, he performs a song to defy the gay mafia who is hammering him for flip flopping on his homosexuality at an ASA event.
“It’s a new generation, welcome to modern love. It’s a revolution do what we want cause we must,” he croons.
“Cause I wanna love somebody, everybody, can’t nobody tell me how to love / Cause I wanna touch on somebody, anybody, everybody calls it love but let’s just call it freedom.”
You know what, Jamal? Suck on whatever dick or clit you want. But can you get a storyline that doesn’t revolve around who you’re bedding? Cause the so-called debate about what makes the tent pole in your pants stand up is boring and we’d like some actual character development, instead of watching you attempt to awkwardly bump and grind with men and women on stage in the name of liberation.
Christina Aguilera gave us equal-opportunity slut fever years ago with “Dirrty,” so you ain’t doin’ nothin’ new, bruh.
For whatever reason, this bisexual dance battle impresses Jameson Henthrop, the gay music exec who has a past with Lucious and who is eager to boost Jamal’s career. So after the cheap Justin Timberlake impression, all is forgiven and Jamal wins the backing of the gay mafia once more.
Hakeem Snatches the Crown from Lucious’ Curly-Haired Head
Hakeem has some serious highs and lows in this episode. Heck, he’s had a rough season considering he was kidnapped by thugs last year.
But the Latino thugs who snatched him off the streets and threw him in a van might be slightly less terrifying than the sight that Hakeem walks into when he gets home after his board vote which saw Lucious get ejected as the CEO of Empire: Cookie waiting for him calmly with a broom across her lap.
The only thing that would’ve made this scene more epic is if Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money” were used as the soundtrack.
Unfortunately, we get to hear Hakeem’s yelps and cries for help as Cookie mercilessly beats him with the broom and her purse for booting his father from Empire and handing control over to his cougar lover Camilla.
The scene was probably meant to invoke humor at first, but it gets Joe Jackson-level uncomfortable as Cookie assails and beats her son to the ground with her purse. Because it’s female-on-male violence, people won’t take this as harshly as they should, but if this were a father whooping up on his daughter, best believe he’d be painted as a monster.
All of which means that poor Hakeem has not only daddy issues, but serious mommy issues too. And Cookie wonders why Hakeem is seeking comfort in Camilla’s old wolf pussy? Come on, now.
Throughout the entire episode, Cookie pleads, begs and demands that Hakeem “do the right thing” and boot Camila from power. Hakeem, being the crafty devil that he is, obeys his mother but not quite in the way that she expects him to.
First, he installs himself as CEO by jumping up on the table at the board meeting after his father’s goons spook any potential CEO candidates, as well the board members, from installing a non-Lyon as CEO.
They even went out and killed a board member’s cat, y’all.
Garfield didn’t need to go out like that.
With the board spooked and the only potential CEO candidate for the job sufficiently shoo’d away, Hakeem hops up on the table and promptly offers himself as the boy-prince who’s best suited to take the helm of Empire and restore it to its former glory.
Camilla smugly smiles thinking she has Hakeem in the palm of her hand but, silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. And Cookie is not a bitch to be messed with.
There’s this really sophomoric and annoying side story between Hakeem and his Pupusa Princess Laura that plays out in the midst of all this. It’s very teenage romance novel, and frankly, Laura isn’t interesting or pretty enough to warrant the amount of attention that Hakeem gives her.
Frankly, there hasn’t been this much baby hair on one woman’s face since Chill from TLC was swinging on that giant swing talking about guys hanging out the passenger side.
Hakeem ends up apologizing for being a drunk jerk earlier in the episode and he lays Laura down in her childhood home and proceeds to fuck her gently. The room they have sex in is creepily juvenile and the imagery and analogies to purity, sin and virginity and promiscuity are dated and tired. But Lee Daniels is determined to give us a girl next door thing whether we like it or not.
After Hakeem knocks Laura’s chalupa down town, he meets up with his daddy Lucious at the river where Lucious shot and killed his best friend, Bunkie. Lucious confesses to the murder, which Hakeem doesn’t seem very shocked by, and then he challenges Hakeem to kill him and prove he has the mettle and courage to do whatever it takes to run Empire like a boss.
Empire is nothing more than a Shakespearean saga of fathers and sons battling for power and shedding blood or pride along the way. And Lucious imploring his son to shoot him is just one more example of the extremes the Lyon family is willing to go through in the name of money, power and respect.
But Hakeem has proved one thing consistently about himself: He marches to the beat of his own drum and he has no time to do Lucious’ bidding. So he walks away without shooting Lucious dead in the head and Lucious makes an empty threat to kill Hakeem the next time he sees him.
If you’ve ever wondered what the relationship between Mufasa and Simba would’ve been like if he’d lived, turned into a gangsta and moved to the hood, this is it. Run, young lion cub, run.
