Do you smell that faint scent in the air? That’s the smell of fresh meat, and you can best believe that the sharks on VH1’s “Basketball Wives” are ready to tear into their main course.
After spending all of episode 1 of the fifth season of BBW on Evelyn Lozada‘s Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson mess, the season finally starts to pick back up with a little action.
Evelyn introduces us to her longtime friend Tasha Marbury, who happens to be married to Stephon Marbury. You know, the basketball player who famously sold his sneakers for $15 while Jordans went for $200, a bucket of KFC and your first born’s cord blood?
Interestingly, even though the show is called “Basketball Wives”, Tasha is the only actual basketball wife on the show. Which pretty much means she now has a target on her back.
But Tasha is so eager to be down with the clique that she doesn’t even flinch when Evelyn confesses that she wrote about her husband Stephon’s alleged infidelities with their cook in her book.
Tasha’s response to this bombshell: Oh, that’s ok. Let’s just move forward.
Ladies, please love yourselves at all times so that way you never, ever become a doormat in the name of a reality TV paycheck.
Messy Muckraking Over a Meal
After everyone pegged her as a ruthless bully last season, Tami Roman promised to be good. But you know that was a lie, right?
Once Evelyn informed Tami that Tasha wanted to have the ladies over for dinner to get to know them, Tami quickly called up Suzie Ketcham and ginned her up to dig up dirt on Tasha. Lest Tasha act, in Tami’s view, “bourgie” and stuff.
So Tami informs Suzie that Evelyn wrote about Stephon Marbury’s alleged infidelity with the cook. Tami had Suzie whip out her iPhone and hit up TMZ to get the 411 on all of Tasha and Stephon’s business. Shout out to Harvey ‘nem.
Since Tami had made that pledge to be more positive and stuff, she egged Suzie on and insisted that they HAD to get to the bottom of this at their dinner. Suzie, eager to make friends as the lone white girl among a wolf pack of angry black women, foolishly went along with Tami’s plan.
So off they go to Tasha’s place in upstate New York.
Right off the bat, you can tell that there’s tension in the air once Tami and Suzie arrive. Tasha has them take off their shoes, which is kind of rude, since she knows how these girls love to show off a good heel on TV. But then again, maybe she just wants to help them out in case they get into a brawl. You can’t knock a bitch down in 6-inch stilettos as easily as you can barefoot.
Before they sit down for their meal, Tami approaches Ms. Tasha about getting her something to drink. The ladies are all daintily sipping champagne and white wine, but Tami doesn’t want none of that bourgie mess. Tami wants a Bud Light.
“Tasha, I know this is a champagne household, but do you have any Bud Light?” Tami asks as she licks her lips like she’s Hannibal Lecter, ready to take a bite out of Clarice’s face.
Since Evelyn warned Tasha beforehand that Tami loved beer, Tasha was prepared with some bottles on hand. But she rudely didn’t bother to chill them. Tami rightfully griped about being served warm beer. Strike 2 for Ms. Tasha.
Before a single entree hits the table though, Suzie dives right in and asks Tasha if the story about Stephon smashing the cook is true. In Tasha’s own damn house. WTF, Suzie? Can you at least wait until the chicken ‘n’ waffles hit the table before you jump right into the bullshit?
Tasha is clearly taken aback by the aggressive line of questioning, which makes me wonder if she’s ever watched this show before she agreed to signing on. She should’ve known these bitches would play dirty with her. “Basketball Wives” is first and foremost a mean girls’ club. They’re just trying to see if Tasha can become one of them.
Hope Tasha survives the hazing ritual.
Speaking of evil: Evelyn’s ass sitting at the table with that black hair looked like the Evil Queen who tried to kill Snow White. She could be the Latina Cruella DeVil walking around lookin’ like that.