Don’t let her dancing like a lazy stripper hoping her high never comes down on stage fool you. Rihanna is very, very concerned about maintaining her huge popularity.
This, according to British tabloid The Sun, who claims that Princess Rih-Rih has turned to psychics and the Tina Turner side of spirituality for insight into the future of her career. Yes, the British tabloid is about as reliable as a crackhead holding your iPad mini next to a pawn shop … but you never know, right?
Anyway, here’s what they’re claiming:
RIHANNA has turned to a psychic for advice on how to fix her chaotic life. The singer has become increasingly superstitious and is also paranoid about losing her fame. She has now visited a Buddhist fortune-teller and a psychic for help. A source said: “Rihanna is exhausted at the moment and feeling lonely.
“She’s worried her fans could turn against her and is also convinced she’ll lose her fame. It’s made her really superstitious. She sees signs and omens in normal events. Rihanna has been to see a psychic and a fortune-teller, and asked for a look into her future.”
Well, I could see this happening during one of Rih-Rih’s alleged weed binges. Like, this is classic weed head paranoia realness. I’m not sure as to how truthful this story is — oh, who am I kidding? I don’t believe this one bit. Still, I’d like to help.
Rihanna, here’s all you need to know about maintaining relevance:
1. Keep releasing albums every five minutes for the next couple of years. People like me will keep buying them and you’ll rake up even more hits. After all, you are about to break Mariah Carey’s record. Even if people don’t like it, you’re pretty much legendary.
2. Ease up on the booze, weed, and other stuff we know your ass doesn’t need to be using during a world tour.
3. Girl, step up that twerk. Blue Ivy learned how to walk four hours ago and I bet she’s already out jigging you. Step it up, lazy boots.
4. Keep on keeping on with the social media.
Okay, enough free advice. Love you, bye.