Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyer Mark Heller held an impromptu press conference the other day outside a Los Angeles courthouse to announce that the troubled star is now “totally sober,” and that she had recently visited an unnamed New York City school to help autistic kids.

“Just what autistic children need for their education,” the New York Post’s Page Six hilariously notes.

But why did Mr. Heller host a press conference just to tell everyone that Lindsay Lohan is sober, and went to visit autistic kids? “She’s certainly not going to alert the media,” Heller told the webloid.

Of course not Heller, that’s what she has people like you for.

According to Page Six:

Heller also said Lohan was turning her life around and having intensive “one-on-one psychotherapy” in a bid to avoid more rehab: “Lindsay does not have a problem with alcohol or drugs . . . She is totally sober.”

Ha! Sure.

All jokes aside, it’s good that Lindsay Lohan wants to help the kids and is striving for sobriety. She’s just like the little engine that could! “I think I can, I think I can.”

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