Despite his repeated claims of “winning,” troubled actor Charlie Sheen won absolutely nothing today.

The former ‘Two and a Half Men’ star lost his battle in court against his estranged wife Brooke Mueller for full custody of their two-year-old twin sons, Max and Bob.

According to various published reports, a judge in Los Angeles presiding over a closed door hearing allowed Mueller to maintain primary legal and physical custody despite a well-publicized relapse in her crack cocaine addiction.

Sources claim that despite appearing “unsteady on her feet” and “glassy-eyed” Mueller was all smiles as she left the Stanley Mosk Courthouse.

A source says that while Mueller undergoes drug treatment at an undisclosed rehab facility, her mother, Palm Beach, Florida socialite Moira Fiore, will provide primary care for the boys.

Soon after the ruling came down, Sheen wasted no time getting back to his work commitments. The 45-year-old Hollywood warlock hightailed it out of court and straight onto a plane to Chicago where he is scheduled to continue with his Violent Torpedo of Truth tour.

Definitely not “winning.”

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