Who knew that ATL rapper, tatted up gangsta and Prince of Crunk Lil’ Scrappy was a big ol’ wheezy baby?

In Episode 5 of VH1‘s hit hour of ratchet and recklessness, also known as “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta,” there was a whole lot of huffin’ and puffin’ going on about Lil’ Scrappy and his condition. Actually, the lack of huffin’ and puffin’ was what landed him in the hospital but let’s not get derailed.

The scene opens up with Scrappy in bed, looking very drained, exhausted and dejected. Enter Momma Dee, aka the Cryptkeeper with a Chinese bob wig.

Scrappy explains to his mother that he just got out of the hospital after suffering a severe asthma attack that left him light-headed. Momma Dee surmises that the light-headedness must’ve come from a lack of oxygen to the brain, something she’s obviously well versed in.

Scrappy then proceeds to bitch and moan to his mother that Erica, his baby mama, left him stranded when he was having an asthma attack.

He was hurt by her lack of empathy, cause she sent him to the hospital with a friend and didn’t stand by his side in his hour of need. Instead, she went to work to earn money to keep the lights on. Hold up, why does Scrappy have a problem with this again? Isn’t this what thugs do? Keep it moving?

Asthma can be a serious condition, but you’d think that someone with this kind of a health condition would live a more…low-key lifestyle, instead of scrapping in the parking lot with Dominican trannies (Joseline) and Master Splinter (Stevie J) like he did in the previous episode.

And Scrappy sure wasn’t walking around with a damn nebulizer when he was gettin’ buck in that “No Problem” video either. So damn homie, man up!

But Scrappy ain’t bout to let this asthma thing go for nothing. Later on in the episode, his sideline ho, Shay aka Buckey from “Flavor of Love,” pops by for a visit. During the confessional portions of this scene, Shay is wearing an outfit that reveals cleavage as deep as the Grand Canyon.

Boom, boom, pow!

Given Shay’s voluptuous assets, it’s understandable that Scrappy clutches his inhaler for dear life the whole time he talks to her. Breathe in, breathe out, brother.

The point of all this back and forth about his asthma attack is that in that moment when Scrappy’s life flashed before his eyes as he struggled for air, he had an epiphany that he and Erica really weren’t meant to be together. Whoop dee whoo. Y’all better start calling Scrappy a disciple, cause he just had a revelation.

Momma Dee Strikes Back

So after Momma Dee meets up with her recovering baby boy, she vows to have a word with Erica about her irresponsible behavior and lack of affection. A woman who pimped other women out ruthlessly for sex is giving lessons about empathy and consideration. Ain’t that a crime of logic and common sense?

Erica bravely strolls on over to have a quick chat with Momma Dee about the situation. Hats off to Erica because she stared death in the face and didn’t blink once. Momma Dee went off like a banshee about how Erica “LEFT HER CHILD FOR DEAD!

Erica calmly and smartly pointed out that 1.) Scrappy has asthma attacks all the time and 2.) He was quick to leave her bedside when she was recovering from a miscarriage in the hospital.

Well, damn, Erica. Check-mate!

Shook and Shaken: K. Michelle and Karlie Move Furniture

So the other big drama of the episode is this showdown between Karlie and K. Michelle. In a very Real Housewives and Basketball Wives fashion, K. Michelle and Karlie have it out at a restaurant. Karlie shakes the table in an attempt to scare K. Michelle, spilling everyone’s drinks. K. Michelle claps back by throwing a napkin at her.

Honestly, the whole exchange is empty and hollow. K. Michelle is a hot air balloon who tries sooooo hard to be the Nene Leakes of LAHHA. She’s droppin’ one-liners and swiveling her neck in the confessionals so hard she can taste the Donald Trump money.

But she doesn’t have Nene’s ingenius comedic timing or zingers. Just like how her music career and look are cheap knockoffs of Keyshia Cole’s, so is her attempt at bringing ratchet and rowdy. Stop trying so hard and figure out who you want to be, K. Michelle.

One person who needs to be called out about this stupid argument though is Mimi. She plays the innocent middlewoman, but she gases up K. Michelle’s head when she’s with her, then acts like Karlie’s friend when she’s alone with her.

Is she the Suzie of this show or what? Why on earth is she mad at Karlie for assuming that Joseline was Stevie J’s woman? Given the way Joseline acted in front of her, what else was she to assume? Sit down, Mimi.

Karlie Gets Caught in a Lie

In addition to rockin’ bar tables, Karlie keeps busy by running after Stevie J and Joseline this episode.

You’ll recall that when she met Joseline and Stevie in an earlier episode, that she was linked up with L.A. Reid’s son Antonio. They broke up, she later informs us, in a nauseating scene where Karlie flirts and makes googly eyes with the former Source owner Benzino.

Watching those two pair up is too much struggle and fail to bear all at once. If Karlie has a lick of sense, she’ll run as fast as she can from Flopzino.

Then again, if she had a lick of sense, she wouldn’t be chasing Stevie J like his name was RedOne. Karlie is CONVINCED that she has to work with Stevie J in order to make her star shine. But has she checked Stevie J’s discography on Wikipedia? The last hot song Master Splinter was involved with was way back in 2001. What makes Karlie think he’s bout to make her pop off in 2012?

As Joseline would say, “Buena suerte, chica.”

Speaking of Joseline, she served Karlie a hot, piping plate of attitude con arroz the whole episode. Guess she’s still kind of mad about Karlie spillin’ the beans to Mimi about her knockin’ boots with Stevie.

Joseline struts in to the room while Karlie is hard at work trying to win Stevie J over. She is thoroughly unmoved by Karlie’s performance but unbeknownst to her, Stevie J is keen to work with the Trini-born aspiring star. That’s because Karlie name-dropped and said that she was affiliated with Cash Money. Once Stevie got wind of that, he immediately told Joseline she’d be doing a collaboration with Karlie.

In a rare display of good sense and sharp wit, Joseline balked and said, “Why she don’t go do a song with Nicki Minaj?”

Welp. La Chiquita Banana brings up a good point.

The answer to that question isn’t hard to figure out though, because Karlie is lying. Mack Maine, president of Young Money, quickly took to Twitter to squash that fairy tale.

Why you gots to lie, Karlie? Why you gots to lie?