Remy Ma still feels as though she’s innocent, despite her being found guilty of shooting her best friend in the stomach over $3,000, which subsequently landed her an 8-year prison sentence. In a letter penned and submitted to Global Grind from the incarcerated rapper herself, she talks about what it’s like waking up every day behind bars and not being able to do whatever you want to, when you want to and how you want to do it.
I always find myself thinking about what I was doing a year ago, two years ago, five years ago today. I never remember exactly where till I find myself imagining where I would be today. I rarely listen to the radio because it’s sort of depressing. Not being able to record is stressful not because I’m a rapper but because that was my way of venting and expressing myself. So I write a lot! So much that now I have a callous on my finger from holding a pen. I guess I got used to texting my rhymes!
I get a lot of fan mail and everyone asks me how I’m doing? I say fine, the way I see it I never imagined making it this far with my sanity. Not being able to go somewhere when you want, see your family when you want (on many occasions when you need to), can’t use the phone, take a shower, wear clothes, or even eat when you want – super aggravating. Whenever, which is almost everyday I get visits, a lot of kids ask for autographs. It’s something that I used to do almost everyday but now it actually feels weird, I really feel like an inmate.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I really am an inmate. I mean, it kind of grows on you when certain people go out of there way to make you feel like that.
They have this program called YAP (Youth Assistance Program) they keep asking me to join. It’s a program that brings inner city kids to the prison to show them what it’s like to be incarcerated. I hear that every group asks about me but I’m a little hesitant to join. They think it will give the kids a reality check that this can happen to anyone. I however feel that it’ll be more of the kids wanting to see Remy Ma the rapper and because of that they won’t get that I’m actually in jail. So I’m still contemplating. If I figure out a way for them to actually get it, that this is really not a place you would ever want to be whether for 8 years, 8 months, or 8 minutes then I’ll do it.
Everyone in prison isn’t innocent but everyone in prison isn’t guilty. So whether you end up here on purpose or by accident, the pain you’re feeling is still the same. And I can quote a lot “gangsters” by saying that “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…”