I’m proud to say that I don’t watch “American Idol” and this week I found out why. What the hell has that show turned into?
Apparently, some big-haired, big-bodied woman with an even bigger personality named Zoanette Johnson from Tulsa OK is a part of the Top 20 — separated into 10 guys and 10 girls. She’s one of the girls. I think. But anyway, the fact that she made it even that far is pretty shocking, to say the least.
Zoanette Johnson says she is 20 years old, but no one is really believing that. I need to see some ID. She looks at least 30. AT LEAST.
And while her audition was very entertaining, I was shocked (but not really) when all four judges unanimously said “YES!” to sending her off to Hollywood. Well, everyone except Mariah. Her “yes” seemed very reluctant and the look on her face said it all.
Mariah wasn’t having that shit, and she wasn’t impressed one bit. She lied earlier on when she said “Yes” when Zoanette asked her “Are you impressed?” after she belted out a scary rendition of the National Anthem, which she forgot the words to, and had to receive some assistance from Mariah.
But everyone else ate that crap up, ESPECIALLY Nicki Minaj. She loved it. She loves Zoanette so much that she gave her the nickname “Big Crazy Barb,” which is pretty fitting, because Zoanette is all kinds of crazy.
The whole thing was pretty bizarre, and if you haven’t seen it, you’ve got to see it for yourself.
WATCH ZOANETTE JOHNSON’S AUDITION HERE:
But the ridiculousness obviously doesn’t end there, since she was pushed forward to the next round of auditions in Hollywood.
In her “Road to Hollywood” interview, Zoanette says she’s inspired by life, and her family, and she believes that she is unique and will stand out because “I’m different.” And boy is she different.
During the Hollywood “Solo Week” round, Zoanette sang an original song about the judges while playing the drums (which she’s not bad at), and during the “Groups” round in Hollywood, she performed with three other girls as the Poohsnaps — a hilariously witty name Zoanette most likely came up with.
But perhaps one of her best(?) — if you can really use that word with her — performances came during the Vegas “Sudden Death Round,” when she sang a loud, over-the-top rendition of the Lion King’s “Circle of Life,” which was met with mixed reviews.
But of course, Nicki Minaj LOVED it, and was even brought to tears. To be honest, it wasn’t necessarily the worst thing I’ve ever seen or heard, but still. Does Zoanette Johnson really belong on American idol?
Apparently, yes. The show has taken a whole new direction. They have people like Zoanette Johnson and Charlie Askew — Google him, he’s his own brand of strange — to bring in viewers. Viewers like me who wouldn’t watch otherwise.
No one really cares about “talent” anymore. Talent, what’s that? We already have plenty of that. Give me more people like Zoanette who can carry somewhat of a tune, and make me LMAO, ROFL and SMDH all at the same time.
Just kidding. What the fuck American Idol?!? What have you done to yourself??? And why did you let Zoanette Johnson butcher Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Go to Do With It” like that Tuesday night?
WATCH ALL OF ZOANETTE JOHNSON’S PERFORMANCES BELOW: