The “True Blood” Season 6 finale was chock full of surprises/plot twists and has set up for something pretty epic to go down next season. Bill finds out that saving others comes at a price, Sookie examines her future with Warlow, and Bon Temps braces itself for a new crisis that is threatening to both vampires and humans alike. Oh, yeah, something pretty ‘epic’ happens to Eric too!

Summary

As Terry’s funeral concludes, the scruffy Alcide engages in some flirtatious banter with Sookie. Seems his days of having threesomes in the woods and assisting with child kidnappings are behind him.

The vampires who managed to escape from vamp camp hang out in the front yard at Bill’s house and are still very much high on Bill/Warlow’s blood. Public sex, volleyball, and frolicking ensue.

Meanwhile back in fairyland… Warlow is decorating for what he presumes will be his upcoming nuptials to Sookie. Funnily enough, this is the second time Sookie has been forced to participate in a bizarro wedding ceremony (see: season 2).

But Sookie is having none of that and just wants to casually date the man, not commit to an eternity with him. Then in a “oh shit” moment, Warlow pimp slaps her, ties her to a tree and attempts to turn her, right then and there on the spot.

“I do just want to fuck you, and own you and use you for your blood,” Warlow says in a scene filled with sexual innuendos. Sookie threatens to “throw her light away,” assuring that she is no longer a fairy, and this just makes him even angrier.

Back in the real world…

Bill retreats into his home solemnly. Seems that he has lost his miraculous Lilith powers. This means that he now has the ability to actually give a shit about the fact that he’s been a horrible person. It also means that he now gives a shit about what will become of Sookie. Though he’s initially reluctant to save her, Jessica convinces him to rescue her from fairyland.

To do that, he needs the only other fairy in Bon Temps. Sheriff Andy’s daughter Adelyn. So Bill, Jason, Jessica, and Violet pay a visit to Andy’s home and explain that they need the aid of his last remaining daughter. AW-KWARD.

As expected, Andy adamantly refuses, but Jason appeals to Adelyn’s sympathies. She listens to his thoughts and hears him say, “I don’t want to lose my sister like you lost yours.” Aww, Jason.

The crew descend into the faerie portal, that is after Violet scares Adelyn into figuring out how the whole faerie light thing works. Jason rescues a now unconscious Sookie and most of the gang gets the hell out of there. Except for Bill who stays behind to fight off Warlow. “Billith” would have kicked his ass in under two seconds, but now that he’s back to being regular old “William Compton,” that’s frustratingly not the case.

Bill and Warlow arrive back in the real world and, as expected, no one is able to keep Warlow away from Sookie. That is until her faerie grandfather appears from another dimension just in the nick of time and puts Warlow in a choke hold so that Jason can stake him. Fuck yeah, Grandpa Niall!

Warlow melts in to a puddle of glowy goo and thus, all of the vampires that drank his blood are no longer impervious to sunlight.

The one who really learns this the hard way is Eric, who is lounging in the sun (FULLY nude) when Warlow’s blood wears off, and he quickly bursts into flames. Can’t a guy just read a book naked atop a snowy mountain without catching on fire? Sheesh.

Something tells us he was saved by Pam at the last-minute, but it appears that we won’t know Eric’s fate until season 7. Dang!

The episode then jumps to six months later, and boy, have things changed…

Bill has now become a famed and outspoken author, Sookie and Alcide are now together, and Violet and Jason are in the midst of foreplay. Sam is now the mayor and Merlotte’s is now Bellefleurs, meaning Sookie has a new establishment to not work at EVER.

We also learn that the Hep V virus has afflicted countless vampires and and it is making them extremely dangerous. This has given humans a new enemy. By contrast, regular vampires now seem tame and seem to co-exist peacefully with humans.

Much of the town attends a church service, in which Mayor Sam encourages everyone to get tested in order to find out is they’re carriers of Hep V. Reverend Daniels then gives a speech about togetherness. Sookie is introduced to a little girl named Crystal. We have no idea who the hell she is.

It is also revealed that Sam and Bill have joined forces (no, not like in the shower dream sequence we so love) and come up with a plan to protect humans and allow vamps to eat. Humans who do not carry the virus are granted the protection of a vampire, provided they let said vampire feed on them.

That evening, a vampire/human BBQ is held. Jessica brings her non-rapist lover James (who now looks like a surfer dude who plays in a band, because, of course) and Sookie and Alcide, who refer to one another as “honey and sugar” also attend as a couple.

Tara’s mother is there too, and she decides then and there that now that her daughter is a vampire, she’s going to stop being a shitty mother. Perfect timing, lady. She then lets Tara feed off her. I’m not sure whether I should be happy about this or really creeped out. It probably wouldn’t hurt to be a little bit of both.

In keeping with the repentance theme, Jessica shows up at Sheriff Andy’s house, and apologizes to him for draining his daughters and offers her protection to them. Boo frickin’ hoo. But Andy’s all “Fuck you, murderer!” and slams the door in her face. POWERFUL stuff.

As Alcide and Sookie leave the party at Merlotte’s BELLEFLEUER’S, they run into Bill, who has clearly got it bad for Sookie again and believes that she of all people needs a vampire protector and he’s the man for the job.

This makes Alcide growl, mostly because Bill is implying that the shirt-shy werewolf can’t protect his woman. Then, possibly one of the best lines this season was born: “You can growl all you want bright eyes but that doesn’t change the truth.”

Oh snap!

Suddenly, we see that a group of Hep V infected zombie vamps (can you say “Walking Dead” crossover?) are sluggishly making their way towards the party.

Pros

  • Guess the show is now tackling AIDS metaphors, which is definitely a clever concept. After all, the underlying human rights elements were what made the show great in the first place and this season has been about returning to that initial concept.
  • Tara and Sookie’s lifelong friendship being acknowledged, however briefly. Also, Pam yelling “Sookie!” before running up and giving her a hug and saying she’s happy to see her. You okay, Pam?
  • A lovely scene where Jessica, who’s been fighting all season so “save Bill’s humanity” convinces with Bill to save Sookie’s life by pleading, “Please do not makes a failure out of me.”
  • Jason referring to Warlow as a “faerie vampire murderous fuck.”
  • Andy saying, “Let’s do this shit then!” before joining the effort to save Sookie.
  • Sookie’s fairie grandpa showing up just in time to help kill the hell out of Warlow.
  • Bill referring to Alcide as “bright eyes.”
  • As a closet Bill fan, I’m going to call good surprise on the fact that he and Sookie getting back together is now a possibility. After all, the two were initially the heart and soul of the series and, let’s face it, they have the best chemistry, even when plate-throwing is involved. Furthermore, it’s pretty impressive for a character to go from sweet Southern gentleman vampire to conflicted villain to cleaned-up politician to God to spokesperson/author.
  • Naked Eric taking in the rays in a chaise lounge that lies on a snowy mountain top in Sweden.

Cons

  • Eric screaming in agony and burning (possibly to death?) as he’s taking in the rays in a chaise lounge that lies on a snowey mountain top in Sweden. FUCK. Eric did NOT just die. Did Eric really die? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
  • Alcide, who has pretty much been a growling mannequin all season, suddenly factoring heavily into the main plot. Sookie’s back to having a “boyfriend” now? Ugh.
  • Violet finding out Jason has a sister and telling Sookie, “Then you are my sister too” and giving her a passionate kiss, which was pointless and warranted an eye-roll. At least Sookie moving on going about her business immediately like nothing happened was semi-amusing. Also, Jason having a weird girlfriend that we just can’t figure out has been done too many times. Time for something new.
  • The six month jump in time leads to a disconnect for viewers. So much is unclear. It also feels as though waaaay more than six months has gone by.
  • Sookie and Alcide had a “will they or won’t they?” storyline like three seasons ago. So them getting together was a head-scratcher. We love a good surprise, but this one doesn’t make much sense, considering the two have hardly had any scenes together all season.
  • One gripe that many have had all season is that Lafayette has been given hardly anything to do. Sadly, the finale was no different. Aside from that one time we saw him in church, La La had NO screen time this episode. “Boooooo” we say to that!

Unanswered Questions

Where the hell do we begin?

1. Is Eric really dead?

2. Where did Sarah Newlin run off to?

3. When did the people of Bon Temps start eating alligator? WHOLE ALLIGATOR.

4. Is Violet really into boys? It’s been six months and after hundreds of cunnilingus sessions, she still hasn’t gotten the D from Jason. Girl, what you waiting for?

5. Shouldn’t Eric’s newborn vampire Willa have felt it when he died? If so, wouldn’t she have been less upbeat at the party?

6. And where the fuck is Pam?!?

7. Was the line in the script that read, “Eric sunbathes in the snow, ass naked, penis exposed … then suddenly bursts into flames,” the strangest thing the writers have even put to paper?

8. Will Lafayette get more lines and screen time next season? We could definitely use more of this:

Now that “True Blood” is over until Summer 2014, what burning questions do you have? How do you think this season went? Are you looking forward to Season 7? Discuss in the comments below!!!

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