Episode six of “True Blood” was filled with all your favorite raunchy sex scenes, girl-on-girl innuendoes and “oh no they didn’t” moments.

Say It Ain’t So, Warlow!

Once Warlow sees Sookie’s magical fairy light, he’s frightened into talking in his native British tongue. Our resident fairy/vamp half breed tells Sookie that he loves her and that he saved her from her parents when she was a child. Apparently, they were trying to kill their own daughter. But Sookie is having none of it. Basically, when it comes to vampires, she’s mad as hell and she’s not going to take it anymore. You tell em’ sista!

Question: When does Sookie find the time to do sit-ups? We know she barely has a job and all but come on!

To make matters even more complicated, Bill intervenes. Turns out he’s there to protect Warlow because now that he’s become Lilith, he’s technically Warlow’s maker. In a flashback dating to 3500 BC, we see a fantastically chiseled Warlow turned into a vampire at the hands of Lilith.

There Will Be Fairy Blood

While high on their blood, Jessica sobs over the corpses of Andy’s fairy daughters (which she basically drained) and attempts to kiss Bill (can you say gross with a capital G?!?).

Andy attempts to rescue his daughters, but discovers it’s too late for all but one of them. He’s able to revive her using vamp blood that he swipes from evidence. Distraught over the deaths of his other daughters, he sobs in anguish. He knows that Bill and Jessica are responsible but at Holly’s insistence, he doesn’t retaliate … at least not yet anyway.

Vampires Interrupted

When Tara informs Eric that the governor’s men had captured Pam, his bright idea is for he and Tara to get captured as well. Luckily for us, it all happens so fast, that he doesn’t even have time to button his shirt. Scenes like this remind us why, when the series ends we’re going to start a petition for HBO to develop an Eric spin-off.

As the governor grapples with the fact that his daughter Willa was turned, his cray cray girlfriend Sarah Newlin persuades him to throw Willa into his Holocaust-like vamp camp. Apparently, Sarah thinks that this would be a good time to discuss having his baby (that would be one crazy kid, right?). The governor doesn’t think making a baby is such a good idea, given that his only child is now (in his view) dead. We’re grateful for that because it leads to something we didn’t see coming … Sarah reuniting with Jason.

Sarah tells Jason that she never felt more holy than when she was with him (remember that bathtub hand job?) and they have wild/crazy sex. Then, things turn ugly when a distraught Jessica shows up at Jason’s asking him to list what he loved about her. Sarah calls the vamp cops because, her “body is a fucking temple” and she doesn’t share men with slutty vamp gals. Talk about catty.

As expected, this doesn’t turn out well for Jessica — who is also taken to the camp. Looks like Bill’s vision of the future (in which he sees the main vamps in his life meet the sun) is still on track to becoming a reality.

Pam-alyze This

One of the reasons that season six has been delightful so far is that Pam has been given lots to do. While at the camp, she is forced to endure a therapy session — which, for her, is worse than being chained in silver.

When they offer her a cute Asian girl to feed on, she agrees to dish about her personal life — including her relationship with Eric. She is adamant that since Eric released her, she has no attachments to him. In a splendid monologue, she explains why she finds pain to be useless and the ease of a human’s life versus that of a vampires. Can we get a Pam spin-off too?

Lafayette Finally Does Something…But it’s Stupid

Unable to discern if Warlow is telling the truth about her parents, Sookie enlists the help of everyone’s favorite medium Lafayette, finally he has a plotline! As expected, conjuring the spirits of Sookie’s dead parents doesn’t turn out to be something they can casually laugh about later. Lafayette finds himself possessed by Sookie’s father (will that boy ever learn?).

Turns out, Warlow once paid a visit to Sookie’s parents and revealed himself to be a vampire. After he informed them of his intentions to turn Sookie into a vamp, her father decided it would be best to throw her in trunk of his car and drive off with plans to kill her.

Because Lafayette has been inhabited by her crazed papa, he takes Sookie against her will and attempts to drown her. This begs the question, why on Lilith’s green earth didn’t she use her magical fairy powers to stop her friend from drowning her?

Stake Your Maker

Though the episode ends with Sookie being drowned, the real cliffhanger concerns Eric and Pam. Placed together in an observation room, Eric and Pam are pitted against each other as Sarah, her “gay vampire ex” Steve, and the governor look on. How very Roman times of them. That’s when Sarah delivers the truly great one-liner, “Haven’t you ever seen the movie ‘Gladiator’? Fucking fight!”

Other Notable Moments

Terry tries to hire an old Marine buddy to kill him and the guy insists on doing it for free. What a good friend!

Alcide searches for Sam and Emma without any luck. Later, Alicide’s father Jackson spots Sam and his new conquest (it didn’t take him long to get over Luna) at a shitty motel. Alcide, we know your pretty and all, but your storyline is a snooze.

Be the first to receive breaking news alerts and more stories like this by subscribing to our mailing list.