So… this happened yesterday:

Welcome@ParisHilton to tha Family.RichgangRichgirl.YMCMB

— BIRDMAN (@BIRDMAN5STAR) May 22, 2013

@birdman5star Thanks BO$$! Happy to be apart of the family. #PH?YMCMB

— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) May 22, 2013

Well, as you can tell, Birdman totally fudged the Twitter announcement up because he didn’t properly put a space between “Welcome” and “@ParisHilton” … but regardless, we all got the point. And that ain’t fair, but they don’t care, Paris Hilton is a Cash Money millionaire.

I guess that cameo she had in Rich Gang’s “Tap Out” video makes a bit more sense now, but the fact that I was able to put together the sentence that precedes this one, and it’s actually the truth, makes no sense. At all. Not even a little bit.

According to HuffPo Entertainment:

Paris Hilton has signed with Cash Money Records and is working on a house music album that will supposedly be released this summer.

Hilton broke the news to Showbiz411 at a party in Cannes, where the heiress is because she’s an actress or filmmaker supporting “The Bling Ring,” a Sofia Coppola movie about the pretty girl crime syndicate that burglarized Hilton in real life. (The movie was filmed in part at Hilton’s home.)

Showbiz 411 says that Hilton will join Drake and Nicki Minaj, so it’s likely she’s actually signing with Young Money Entertainment, a subsidiary of Cash Money.

Hilton also claims Dutch house producer Afrojack is helping her out, an interesting tidbit given that the two were previously rumored to be dating. Hilton was a constant presence on his tour and in his “Afrojet,” but the producer is now said to be dating DJ Bambi.

“This is a lot different than my first album,” Paris said. “It’s really going to be house music.”

For the uninitiated (lucky you!), Paris Hilton’s first foray into the all too welcoming world of music came in 2006, when she released her debut solo self-titled album Paris, which reached the top 10 on the Billboard albums chart, but received mixed reviews.

Hilton also collaborated with Lil Wayne last year for an EDM (Electronic Dance Music) track produced by the aforementioned Afrojack called “Last Night (I Wanna Bang You).” It was (unsurprisingly) awful.

Nothing but good things — and herpes, lots and LOTS of herpes — can come from this meticulously planned union of Paris Hilton’s aural diarrhea and Birdman’s business savvy.

Meanwhile, your favorite struggle rapper is working overtime in the trap-house so he (or she; equal opportunity, people…) can earn enough money to pay for a post on WorldStarHipHop in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, their favorite rapper will notice them and take them under their wing, much like what YMCMB is doing with PH (imbalance).

I think it’s safe to say Hip-Hop is officially dead now. :(

R.I.P. Hip-Hop: 1970′s – May 22, 2013

It was fun while it lasted y’all…

I need Rihanna‘s dad to find new sources of beer money besides giving abusive ex-boyfriend boosting interviews with British tabloids.

Now that Rihanna and Chris Brown are reportedly broken up, Ronald Fenty is telling The Sun that he hopes they get back together. Yes, the guy who not only physically abused her, but proceeded to parade around the fact that he was essentially being with two women at the same damn time.

Yet, Papa Fenty says:

“I’m still his No1 fan — I still like Chris regardless. They have a very passionate relationship but if they split up it does not mean it’s for ever with them. In a couple of months they’ll be back together.”

Just to keep a running tally: Rihanna’s father had substance abuse issues and physically abused her mother. And after Rihanna herself was abused, Ronald Fenty acted like he was damn near Chris Brown’s publicist.

On top of that, Rihanna’s pops has mentioned how he’s told her in the past that he felt she was getting fat. Now, he’s saying he wants Rihanna to get back with a guy who her own tweets suggests isn’t for her right now.

Granted, The Sun is about as reliable as your first cousins when they say they’re “around the corner” when they know damn well they haven’t even left the house yet, but still, I wouldn’t put it past ol’ Papa Fenty to be running his mouth about things he need not be running it about.

[H/T: Rhymes with Snitch]

Lately, there’s been lots and lots of chatter among gossip rags that Kanye West is skipping out on Kim Kardashian and snuggling up with a man — specifically fashion designer Riccardo Tisci. Why can’t a gay man and a straight fashionista be friends without fellatio getting in the way? But, of course, that won’t sell tabloids at the supermarket, now would it?

In any event, to help lend credence to the little theory, some are starting to point back to a past interview Riccardo gave to Vogue Paris. In it, Riccardo described one of his best sexual experiences with a well known man. Have you connected the dots already?

Great, now here’s the quote in question, Scooby:

“I have several but the one I think immediately is an experience I had with a man who is known. I never imagined that something could happen between us and it’s still the “hottest weekend of my life. Nobody really knows if this guy is straight or gay, it is a mystery. However, I was attracted to him, his way of speaking, thinking, walking, dressing. I love what he does as an artist. This weekend both, this intimate moment has only reinforced my attraction to him.”

We can confirm the thirst, but not so much the target of it with this interview. Try again.

“I did not go through all those years of hearing y’all whine about me not doing music for me to drop an album and you pretend it didn’t come out.” — I imagine that’s what Justin Timberlake wanted to say to the French reporter living under the mighty rock that kept him from realizing The 20/20 Experience is out, kicking ass, taking names, then kicking more ass and taking more names, and part two is due in the fall.

While being interviewed about his upcoming film, “Inside Llewyn Davis,” the foreign reporter, who is clearly out of touch with the rest of the free world, told Justin, “You have nothing to prove anymore in music, Justin. But I have a feeling that you are making some sacrifice in music just because you are so focused right now on your acting.”

To which Justin said in response, “I just put a record out, man!”

Even Justin’s co-star, Carey Mulligan jumped in. She didn’t say, “Oh, bitch you tried it!” but she did note that Justin’s album is a two-part deal that’s been talked about plenty.

Oh, it gets better…or worse, I should say (via Vulture)

“I put out a record that has a second part. That comes out this fall! Where have you been?” Timberlake kept going. “You gotta get out of Cannes, man. You gotta get out of Nice. You gotta get off your little island, man. As a matter of fact, I’m insulted. It’s very pretentious.” He then, of course, smiled, and squeezed the reporter’s arm.

Bad move, as the French reporter kept going, to raised eyebrows around the table. “No, you have to admit, Justin, you have never been so focused, I have the feeling, about your acting career.” He cited how gracious Timberlake had been at a conference for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, how he’d worked so hard to be treated with respect by the movie world for the past three years. “For some reason, I have the feeling that you’re super-super-focused. Right now your top priority is acting, maybe. Am I wrong?”

Timberlake gave a “can you believe this guy?” grin to the table, and replied, “Would you like to know my schedule? I start a tour in the summer. I start another tour in October.”

And the award for biggest d-bag of the week goes to…

Right-wing radio host Pete Santilli has revealed an extensive plan to shoot Hillary Clinton “right in the vagina” and confront her about a whole lot of bullsh** as she dies slowly.

Santilli detailed his fantasy of murdering the former Secretary of State on his intenet radio show.

I want to shoot her right in the vagina and I don’t want her to die right away; I want her to feel the pain and I want to look her in the eyes and I want to say, on behalf of all Americans that you’ve killed, on behalf of the Navy SEALS, the families of Navy SEAL Team Six who were involved in the fake hunt down of this Obama, Obama bin Laden thing, that whole fake scenario, because these Navy SEALS know the truth, they killed them all. On behalf of all of those people, I’m supporting our troops by saying we need to try, convict, and shoot Hillary Clinton in the vagina.

LISTEN HERE:

Just when you thought there couldn’t be a worse statement than Todd Akin’s “legitimate rape” garbage. Could you imagine if a female disk jockey said she wanted to shoot Mark Sanford in the penis and antagonize him as he lay dying?

On Santilli’s website, he describes himself as a former U.S. Marine and Coca-Cola Executive. He also claims to have extensive knowledge of conspiracy theories surrounding everything from Sandy Hook to 9/11.

Isn’t this right-wing nut job aware that when you say mind numbingly stupid crap about shooting women in the vagina — people tend to give you the brush-off?

[H/T: Mediaite via Right Wing Watch]

Kaitlyn Hunt, a Florida teenager, is facing felony charges and has already been expelled from school for her lesbian relationship with another, younger student.

Hunt, who is 18, has reportedly been charged with two felony counts of “lewd and lascivious battery on a child 12 to 16.” The charges stem from her relationship with her 15-year-old girlfriend.

“These people never came to us as parents, never tried to speak to us… and tell us they had a problem with the girls dating,” Kaitlyn Hunt’s mother, Kelley Hunt-Smith, wrote in an statement posted to Facebook. “…They were out to destroy my daughter. [They] feel like my daughter ‘made’ their daughter gay.”

Hunt was arrested on Feb. 18 and charged with the two felony charges. She was expelled from school weeks before graduation and was sent to an alternative school to finish out the school year.

Hunt-Smith insists that the relationship was consensual and that that both sets of parents knew about it in the beginning. Many internet activists have spoken out about the charges and think that they are too harsh, which I fully agree with.

If Hunt is found guilty, she will most likely have to register as a sex offender for a seemingly normal, teenage relationship. The only thing that is different here is that they are lesbians and if that is why she is being charged so harshly, then that is just plain wrong. PERIOD.

The state’s attorney’s office is pushing Hunt to take a plea deal that involves two years of house arrest and a year of probation, which would stay on her adult record, which could subsequently ruin her future, as Hunt will have limited college and career choices with such harsh charges attached to her record.

Ultimately, Hunt’s conviction could potentially ruin her life. She has yet to go to trial, but a lot of reports point to a consensual relationship between two teenage girls. Nothing more, nothing less. Why should that ruin one of their lives? If it turns out there were criminal acts committed, that’s a different story, but if there weren’t, is all of this really fair?

[Huffington Post]

As you have probably heard by now, Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, was recently captured on video smoking crack cocaine, and the shocking video could make its way to the Internet if Gawker is able to get its hands on it.

Using the website indiegogo.com, the folks over at Gawker have kicked off what they’re calling a “crackstarter” campaign — a play on words, in reference to the popular crowd-funding platform KickStarter.

The heading at the top of the campaign’s page on indiegogo reads: “Rob Ford Crackstarter — Please help us raise enough money to purchase and publish a video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine.”

So far, as of Saturday night (May 18), the campaign has raised nearly $70,000 of its $200,000 goal, with 9 days left. If Gawker is able to successfully raise the $200,000 the owner of the cell phone video footage is willing to let it go for, the world will be able to watch Toronto’s “conservative” mayor smoking crack cocaine.

In the meantime, when asked to comment on the scandal, Ford told a group of reporters that gathered outside his home early Friday morning (May 17) — just hours after the story broke on Gawker and subsequently The Toronto Star — that the “allegations are absolutely not true.”

Ford added before getting into his Cadillac Escalade, CBC News Toronto reported, “It’s ridiculous, it’s another Toronto Star whatever.”

Later Friday, as Ford was leaving his downtown Toronto office, he gave another brief statement to reporters:

“Anyways, like I said this morning, these allegations are ridiculous, it’s another story with respect to the Toronto Star going after me,” Ford said. “And that’s all I’ve got to say for now.”

It’s worth noting that Ford never outright DENIES the allegations. He simply says that they’re “ridiculous,” and he’s right, the allegations are “ridiculous.”

It’s ridiculous that the mayor of one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the world has been recorded on video smoking crack cocaine, and it’s even more ridiculous that we’ll all be watching said video footage it any day now.

Gotta love that “new media.”

Click here if you would like to contribute to Gawker’s crackstarter!

Oh Kimberly. Kimberly, Kimberly, Kimberly. Why must you provide so much fodder for these blogs?

We have absolutely zero words for this, so we’ll just let our homegirl Fresh over at Crunk + Disorderly tell it:

Kim Kardashian stuffed her swollen feet inside a $2,950 pair of Givenchy Albertina podium heels for an afternoon out with mom Kris Jenner in Los Angeles yesterday. At last, your great-aunt pearl and someone on the E! channel finally have something in common. She paired the sandals with a white open sleeve dress from the same designer. House Mother Kanye would have it no other way.

“Girl! …Why you gon’ stuff yo feet in them shoes?!?” — Madea voice

[H/T: C+D]

I’m not that deep into politics, so before now, I’ve never heard of this Rob Ford guy, who is the mayor of Toronto, but all of that is beside the point. There’s a video out there of a mayor — a CONSERVATIVE mayor — smoking crack from a pipe!

And if Gawker has its way, the world might see this video very soon so that we can all watch it and point and laugh … because who doesn’t want to see a major political figure smoking crack on camera? I most certainly do, and you know you do.

But before I get into this hell of a story — and boy is this a big one — let me put it like this. Toronto is basically the Canadian version of New York City, with a metro population of about 6 million people. That’s about 2 million less than NYC, and about 2 million more than Los Angeles.

So the fact that the mayor of a city with a population density akin to New York City — the biggest and most famous city in the entire world — has been captured … on video … smoking CRACK COCAINE (not a cigarette, not weed, not even cocaine, but CRACK cocaine) is a pretty big deal.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get into the meat of this here mountain of a story.

Gawker editor John Cook was recently tipped off about the existence of video footage taken within the past six months showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine (and it’s the real deal). To make an extremely long story short … Gawker wants to buy it.

But there’s only one problem. The guy who owns the video wants at least 6 figures for it. And the owner is so serious about their hefty price tag that he turned down a $40,000 offering from a Canadian media outlet that he refused to name.

Cook actually traveled to Toronto so that he could verify the authenticity of the clip in person, and he is 1,0000% certain that the man in the video is Rob Ford. He was even given a nice photo (at the top of this post) showing Ford hanging out with a bunch of college-aged twenty-somethings in an area that looks to be prime for crack smoking. (FYI: The gentlemen on the left, Ford’s right, flipping the bird was shot and killed two months ago outside a Toronto nightclub)

After going back and forth for days with the “tipster,” Cook eventually got a chance to personally meet up with the holder of the video camera that contained the 100% legit footage of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine:

We sit idling in his car, making small talk. The tipster calls the owner and talks in language other than English. “He’ll be right down,” he says. Fifteen minutes pass. “Waiting for the elevator,” he says. Ten minutes pass. A young gentleman opens the rear door of the car and gets in. The two men speak in a language other than English. The young gentleman immediately exits the vehicle. No video.

The tipster looks at me: “The battery is dead.” The young gentleman—the owner of the video—needed to go back upstairs to charge the battery on the device that contained the video. We wait. More small talk.

The owner of the video returns. He thrusts a device, a phone with a touchscreen, in my face. “Can I hold it?” I ask. “No.” I crane my neck. It plays.

Here is what the video shows: Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, is the only person visible in the frame. Prior to the trip, I spent a lot of time looking at photographs of Rob Ford. The man in the video is Rob Ford. It is well-lit, clear.

Ford is seated, in a room in a house. In one hand is a a clear, glass pipe. The kind with a big globe and two glass cylinders sticking out of it. In the other hand is a lighter. A slurred voice off-camera is ranting about Canadian politics in what sounds like an attempt to goad Ford. “Pierre Trudeau was a faggot!” is the one phrase the lodges in my mind.

Ford, pipe in one hand and lighter in the other, is laughing, and mildly protesting at the sacrilege. He seems to keep trying to light the pipe, but keeps stopping to laugh. He is red-faced and sweaty, heaving with each breath. Finally, he finds his moment and lights up. He inhales.

In one move, the owner stops the video and draws the device back into his pocket.

“You took this?” I ask. “Yes.”

“When?” … “Within the last six months.”

“You’re sure it’s crack?” … “Yes.”

“You’ve seen him smoke crack before?” … “Yes. Gotta jet.”

And he is gone.

Well damn. It looks like Toronto has the Canadian version of Marion Berry running wild up there.

Gawker is looking for a partner to help offset the cost of the video, so if anyone out there wants to help out with this great this cause, feel free to reach out to them! The world needs to see this. Seriously.

So what has Chief Keef been up to since his heavily documented release from juvenile prison back in March? Well, in addition to putting out new music, he has been beefing with Soulja Boy, threatening to kill women who won’t have sex with him, and posting pictures of himself appearing to possess guns on Instagram (despite him just coming off a 60-day jail sentence for violating his probation on a gun charge — he’s off probation now, but still), among other things … like getting engaged?

According to the Hip-Hop rumor mill, the 17-year-old rapper is engaged to be married to some woman who (if this rumor is true) sadly thinks Chief Keef is husband material. That sad, desperate woman is said to be a 23-year-old video model from Atlanta who goes by the name Pretty Mesha (her real name is Jemesha). Can you say “cradle robber?”

Keef sparked rumors of an engagement on Twitter last week when the rapper posted a picture of Mesha on Instagram wearing a red sweatshirt with his Glory Boyz Entertainment (GBE) logo on it, and what looks like a diamond engagement ring on her left hand. Then, on Sunday, Mesha posted this to her Twitter:

Keef LOVE me!

— Call her Yoko. (@1prettymesha) May 13, 2013

I love SOSA!

— Call her Yoko. (@1prettymesha) May 13, 2013

Further adding to the speculation, the day Media Take Out broke their “SUPER-WORLD EXCLUSIVE,” Keef posted a screenshot of it on his Instagram, as if he were promoting it and confirming it all at the same time. Or he could have been making fun of MTO and their antics, but still … he’s entertaining the idea.

So right now, it’s hard to say whether or not Chief Keef is really engaged, but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised. At 17, he’s already fathered two children, had a stand-off with Chicago police, and been in and out of jail over the years … so Chief Keef getting married wouldn’t be the most shocking thing he’s ever done.

One thing is for certain about Chief Keef though. He’s definitely dealing with some serious child support issues, and he’s not even 18 yet!

According to TMZ, based on Keef’s income of about $13,000 a month, a judge ordered the teen rapper to cough up at least $2,600 in child support to the 15-year-old girl he fathered a baby with 2 years ago when he was just 15. Keef, whose real name is Keith Cozart, was also ordered to pay $500 in day care expenses and $10,400 in previously unpaid child support.

Meanwhile, Chief Keef seems to be making some pretty major moves on the business front. Not only did he sign with Gucci Mane’s Brick Squad Monopoly crew (only time will tell whether this is a good thing or a bad thing), but Keef, an Interscope artist, is also supposedly working on his own line of Beats by Dre headphones. His would be called “Beats by Keef,” of course.

Check out what they might look like below:

Farrah Abraham is on the TMI train and she’s decided there’s no way she’s jumping off anytime soon.

Not content with already embarrassing the hell out of her mother (and her daughter too once she grows up and figures out what the hell is going on), Farrah is now doing media interviews to promote her “sex tape” with porn star James Deen.

In an interview with blogger Nik Richie, Farrah confesses that she enjoys anal sex and even prefers it to vaginal sex. Apparently she got her rectum blown the fuck out back when she was 15 and she’s loved it ever since.

“I had anal before I had real sex,” Farrah said.

Richie pointed out that for someone who claims to not have sex that often, it’s a bit odd that she begged James Deen to fuck her in the ass straight away in her porn video.

“I don’t think it’s awkward [that I enjoy anal more than vaginal sex]” Farrah said.

WATCH FARRAH’S INTERVIEW WITH NIK RICHIE BELOW

Hey, if the girl likes it up the poop chute, then who am I to judge? I just hope Farrah has the decency to avoid Chipotle on the nights that she opens up her anus hotel for guest check-in.

[H/T: Jezebel]

Baltimore police arrested a 31-year-old man who tried to pimp his teen wife out to an undercover cop for $100 at a hotel, which would have been a pretty common news story had the husband-pimp not been a Baltimore City cop himself.

The Maryland State Police Child Recovery Unit was reportedly working their normal proactive child prostitution/human trafficking operation last Thursday (May 9) when they came across a young-looking woman offering her services as an escort on a website known for prostitution, authorities said.

The cops responded to the ad and arranged a meeting. An undercover officer met with the woman from the ad, 19-year-old Marissa Braun, who called herself “Lexi,” at a hotel room near the Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport while Braun’s husband, Lamin Manneh, waited outside in the parking lot.

Police said they arrested Braun after she allegedly told the undercover cop “You give me the $100 and then you can (have sex) with me.”

She also told the undercover that she was working for her husband, who uses his credit cards to post the ads online, and also “drives her from date to date since she cannot drive.”

Police eventually found Manneh in the parking lot of the same hotel, and he admitted to police that he was indeed pimping his wife out and corroborated her story. Manneh was arrested and charged with human trafficking and prostitution, while Braun was charged with one count of prostitution.

Manneh was reportedly booked and released on his own recognizance, but authorities said that he would be suspended without pay pending an internal affairs investigation from the Baltimore City Police Department.

Manneh is said to be in a probationary period with the department, so his arrest will likely lead to dismissal.

A spokesman from the Baltimore City Police Department released the following statement from Deputy Commissioner Jerry Rodriguez:

“This allegation is a disgrace and embarrassment to every member — both current and retired — who serve with the Baltimore Police Department. The alleged actions and criminal charges brought against Mr. Manneh are serious and undermine the integrity and pride of this organization. We expect every member of this department to hold themselves to the highest of professional standards. Our colleagues and our community deserve nothing less.”

Baltimore City police have been in the news a lot lately for criminal activity. Early last week, a Baltimore cop killed his girlfriend and held a toddler hostage before he engaged in a standoff with the SWAT Team.

And just last month, a woman recently filed a million-dollar lawsuit against the Baltimore City Police Department on claims that she was assaulted by four officers when she tried to record them with her cell phone while they were allegedly assaulting a juvenile suspect.

All of which raises this burning question: What the f**k is going on with Baltimore police?!?

Florida man isn’t the only one causing trouble in The Sunshine State. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Florida WOMAN, and she’s just as dangerous/crazy as her male counterpart.

37-year-old Deborah Ann Burns, from Immokalee, Fla. — looking lovely as ever in her mugshot (right) — is accused of throwing an 8-inch-long kitchen knife at her boyfriend because he farted in her face. That nasty mofo.

According to the police, Burns told Collier County detectives that she and her boyfriend were watching TV last Tuesday night (May 7) when the boyfriend purposely passed gas right in her face while he walked by her on his way to the kitchen. An argument ensued and police were called.

When the police showed up responding to a report of a possible stabbing, they found the boyfriend in front of the house, with multiple cuts on his abdomen and left arm.

The victim told police that he and Burns were arguing in the kitchen over money and she threw a knife at him, left the house, but then came back and hit him in the arm with a stick.

The police report states that the victim made no mention of the alleged flatulence, but he “continually stated if [Burns] returned he would kick her ass,” naturally.

Burns’ side of the story, however, is a bit different. She told detectives that their argument had nothing to do with money, and her boyfriend had become loud and agitated after she confronted him about him farting in her face.

Following the incident, Burns was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon — a felony. She remains in the county jail on a $50,000 bond.

According to The Smoking Gun, Burns is a convicted felon, and previously spent 21 months in state prison for aggravated assault with a weapon and battery on a law enforcement officer. It isn’t known whether or not he too farted in her face.

In a move that is sure to endear his old, senile ass to women’s movements in Saudi Arabia and other nations where women are repressed, Pat Robertson tells a betrayed woman to stop worrying about her husband’s infidelity.

Pat Robertson is known for being an unhinged mouthpiece for right-wing conservatives, but who knew he also subscribed to the “Atomic Dog” philosophy of love and life? “Why must I be like that, why must I chase the cat? / Nothin’ but the dog in me.”

During an episode of The 700 Club, a woman wrote in to the show asking for advice on how to get over husband’s infidelity. She said she’d forgiven him but still had lingering feelings of resentment over the betrayal.

Pat’s female co-host proceeded with caution and talked about forgiveness being challenging and difficult. Robertson, on the other hand, went in the opposite direction and basically told her to get over the infidelity, feed him, fuck him and make him happy so he doesn’t stray ever again. Oh, and even if he does cheat in the future, it’s because it’s in his nature, so deal with it.

WATCH PAT TELL A WIFE TO MOVE ON FROM HER HUSBAND’S CHEATING HERE;

“Stop talking about the cheating. He cheated on you, well he’s a man,” Robertson advises.

Next he advises his female viewer to focus on the important things in life.

“Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he handsome?” Robertson adds.

The most important thing a woman can do to prevent a man from straying is to always remain hands-on in the relationship.

“Reach out and touch him. Touch his face. Hold his hand. Look into his eyes,” Robertson insists.

I have a feeling that Pat wants her to touch a lot more than just his face, but this is a family show so he didn’t wanna spell it out for her on national TV.

After doling out all of that sage advice, Robertson closes by saying that even if she does all of what he’s suggesting and her husband remains unfaithful, well, that’s just the way it is.

“Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit,” Robertson says. “What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.”

Right. The good ol’ blame the victim mentality with some “boys will be boys” thrown on top. When did that Biblical commandment about “Thou shalt not commit adultery” become optional and stop being a requirement of Christianity?

Here’s the funny thing: Back in 1998, when Bill Clinton was president, Pat Robertson was calling for his head over his improprieties in the White House. Let’s go back in time with this article from the Los Angeles Times.

In scolding tones, Robertson opened the two-day Christian Coalition conference by accusing Clinton of turning the Oval Office into a “playpen for the sexual freedom of the poster child of the 1960s.” He also called Clinton a “debauched, debased and defamed” leader.

Pat Robertson, you’s a damn lie. And a sneak. And a hypocrite.

As for the woman who wrote in seeking Pat’s advice, she better hit up Iyanla Vanzant and get her life fixed.

In what is being considered the “most epic brand meltdown on Facebook … EVER,” a pair of restaurateurs who appeared on chef Gordon Ramsay‘s Kitchen Nightmares TV show (and made themselves look like COMPLETE ASSES by the way) went off — and when we say, off, we mean ALL THE WAY OFF — on pretty much the whole Internet, because why the hell not?

On last Friday night’s episode of Kitchen Nightmares, Amy and Samy Bouzaglo — the owners of the Scottsdale restaurant Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro — made chef Ramsay do something he says he’s never done in the 6+ years he’s been going the show. HE QUIT!

But not because he didn’t like the husband-and-wife duo, and not even because their restaurant and its food sucks. (It really does, apparently)

Ramsey proudly walked out on them because the Bouzaglo’s (ESPECIALLY Amy) are so delusional about their sucky food and the horrible way they run their business (which includes going through 100 staff members a year, taking hours to make one pizza, firing a server on camera for daring to ask “are you sure?” about an order, etc.) that they outright refused to accept his constructive criticism.

WATCH THE EPISODE HERE:

For the uninitiated, Kitchen Nightmares is Fox show in which the famous British chef Gordon Ramsay (you might remember him from Hell’s Kitchen) goes into fledgling restaurants in a last-ditch effort to help them get their isht together. In this case, the Bouzaglo’s proved that they are fully incapable of getting their isht together.

When chef Ramsay went to Amy’s Baking Company to see how they run their restaurant, he found out why they’re failing. THEIR FOOD/SERVICE SUCKS! Not only did it take almost forever for him to receive his meal, but he literally sent every single thing back because it was either undercooked, didn’t taste good, looked sloppy, or all three.

For what it’s worth, chef Ramsay did say he liked the desserts, but since desserts aren’t the only thing on the menu, that still means the restaurants as a whole sucks. And those poor Bouzaglo’s (once again, ESPECIALLY Amy) couldn’t take hearing that from the most critical, unrelenting chef in all the land.

After the show aired, the official Facebook page for Amy’s Baking Company lit up with disparaging comments about the restaurant and its owners, and of course, the Bouzaglos — being the charming, savvy business owners that they are — TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT over them, as well as the one-star rankings they received on Yelp and this thread on Reddit.

Among their barrage of angry comments on Facebook included them calling everyone “punks” and “little shits,” threatening legal action against the Redditors and Yelpers, and Amy calling herself “Wonder Woman.”

Take a look at their totally irate responses below:

Amy and Samy Bouzaglo have since deleted the postings and updated their Facebook with this:

Obviously our Facebook, YELP, Twitter and Website have been hacked. We are working with the local authorities as well as the FBI computer crimes unit to ensure this does not happen again. We did not post those horrible things. Thank You Amy & Samy

“Obviously.”

[H/T: BuzzFeed, Eater]

Though TMZ recently snapped “Teen Mom” star Farrah Abraham buying a pregnancy test, there’s no way her recent porn film captured any baby making … this according to porn star James Deen.

Farah’s “Backdoor Teen Mom” co-star expressed his outrage over what he calls a “publicity stunt” to Celebuzz:

“To say you’re potentially pregnant is not something to joke about. When you knowingly involve another human being and a publicity stunt around that, a child is not something to be taken lightly,” Deen said. “It’s not a game anymore and it’s really not cool. This is a type of publicity I do not agree with and I do not want to participate in,” he added. “Joking or lying or using pregnancy to get attention and media is not cool.”

Deen added that he was told by Vivid entertainment that Abraham was on birth control when they were negotiating a deal prior to filming.

“I spoke to the clinic where we both got tested before our scene along with my personal medical doctor regarding the subject. However, I am more concerned about the fact that Vivid told me she was on birth control,” he said. “Had I known she was not taking preventive measures I would have never accepted the scene.”

Abraham’s desperate attempt for attention is nothing knew. After all, she did stage a sex tape and sold it to Vivid for almost $1 million.

Though Deen looks down on the reality star’s constant bids for attention, he has seemingly failed to acknowledge that he hasn’t been able to shut up about this sex tape from the beginning.

Despite what the porn actor claims, TMZ is alleging that Abraham was not on birth control at the time that the faux “sex tape” was filmed. But those who have viewed the tape (guilty!) know that though Deen wasn’t wearing a condom, well … let’s just say he aimed straight for her face, if you know what I mean.

But let’s just have Deen explain it:

“I am taking it seriously enough to research the possibility of someone getting pregnant from anal sex and semen on their face while they are having sex on their period with a sponge inside them.”

An 88-year-old North Carolina man is facing a first-degree murder charge after he shot and killed an 80-year-old woman (who was his roommate) on Mother’s Day, of all days.

According to Gaston, N.C. police, the shooting took place as the woman, Vivian Schronce, returned home from Sunday morning service.

The man, Charles Edwin Venn, had drunk a couple of beers that morning, and the two were fighting over it when Venn, who had a handgun, “fired several rounds,” one of which struck Schronce. She was taken to Gaston Memorial Hospital where she was pronounced dead.

“Any time you add alcohol and firearms, it’s just a deadly mixture,” Gaston County Police Capt. Jay Human said.

Vivian’s daughter Leanne Catoe spoke with The Gaston Gazette and told them she had just cut her mother’s hair on Saturday so that she could look good for church on Mother’s Day, which fell on a Sunday this year.

“I sat in church beside her, and I had this weird feeling and I scooted closer to her,” Catoe said.

After church Catoe’s 80-year-old mother kissed her and told her to come by for pot pie.

Catoe drove to the grocery store and saw an ambulance go by as she headed back to her mother’s home. A sick feeling settled in her stomach. Catoe hurried to her mother’s home to find paramedics doing CPR on her mother.

“And all I could say was, ‘God, no. God, no.’ And then we get to the hospital and they said that she’d been shot,” Catoe said. “Why would anybody shoot a grandmother, a great-grandmother?”

Schronce was a kidney cancer survivor and a caretaker, Catoe said.

“My mom cared for everybody — everybody. That’s all I’ve ever known her to do,” Catoe said. “We called her Florence Nightingale.”

People in Pine Grove Trailer Park off Hickory Grove Road called Schronce “Grandma.”

A Gaston County Jail cell holds Venn. He’s being held without bond because of the murder charge. Catoe’s still in shock that her mother is gone and says her death just doesn’t make sense.

“She’s all I had,” Catoe said. “I’m not ready to be the matriarch of this family.”

[Gaston Gazette]

How many more biopics does the world need? Hurry up and answer because by the end of this sentence, at least four more will have already received the green light. Although there already is a great made for TV film about the life of the iconic Josephine Baker starring Lynn Whitfield out there, a production company called Noosa Films wants to create their own version based on her autobiography Josephine.

The company reportedly recently secured the rights from French publishers, Editions Robert Laffont, and are already at work on getting the movie plans going. They even have a star in mind. Producer W. Lance Reynolds is hoping to convince Rihanna to take on the role.

In a statement, Reynolds said, “Rihanna is one of the most talented performers of this millennium and with her unique acting and performing abilities I have no doubt she will bring Josephine back to life on the big screen.”

Her performing abilities are unique alright. Rihanna is uniquely able to fill out arenas despite dancing like her left leg is asleep. I love the girl, but she’s about as consistent with performing well as Stevie J is with staying faithful.

This is Josephine Baker shaking a tail feather. Now have you ever seen Rihanna move with that sense of urgency? That is, besides to go roll a blunt.

Should Rihanna sign on for the project, won’t this be an interesting movie?

If you haven’t heard already, famous choreographer Wade Robson is reportedly suing and seeking monetary damages from the estate of Michael Jackson, claiming that he was molested by the late Pop icon when he was a child.

According to TMZ, Wade’s lawyer filed the actual complaint under seal, preventing its contents from being made available to the public, but their sources say that it “specifically outlines the alleged abuse at the hands of Michael Jackson.” The lawsuit is also said to mention a “leading” psychiatrist who treated Wade.

Robson, who is now 30 years old, met Michael when he was five, and the two developed a “friendship” that lasted for nearly 10 years until Wade was 14 years old.

Wade says by the time he was seven, he was going for sleepovers at Jackson’s famous Neverland Ranch home in Santa Barbara, Calif., as well as the singer’s homes in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. During that time is when the alleged molestations occurred.

If you’re wondering “why now?” keep reading. The story gets even more “interesting” from here.

Apparently, Robson had a total mental breakdown in March 2012 that pushed him into complete seclusion and ruined his career.

According to Robson’s friends and family, he was unable to fulfill his work commitments and ended up breaching a number of contracts, including a deal he had to write three songs. They say he lost “a ton of money” and hasn’t earned hardly anything since.

After his breakdown, Robson went to a psychotherapist over the course of several weeks and that’s when the “floodgates” opened. That was when he told his family that he had been molested by Michael Jackson between the ages of 7 and 14.

Robson’s attorney, Henry Gradstein reiterated to TMZ that Michael Jackson was a “monster who sexually abused Wade for seven years as a child and threatened him if he ever went public.”

Gradstein said:

“Last year, on a career trajectory that was off the charts, he [Wade] collapsed under the stress and sexual trauma of what had happened to him for seven years as a child. [Wade] lived with the brain washing by a sexual predator until the burden of it all crushed him.”

…Michael would tell Wade, “If anyone ever finds out about what we did we will go to jail for the rest of our lives” and “our lives will be ruined forever.”

…the threats worked, and Wade kept his mouth shut, adding, “This kind of intimidation of a child by a sexual predator is tragically characteristic and effective, keeping them quiet about the abuse – often for a lifetime.”

…”Michael Jackson was a monster and in their hearts every normal person knows it.”

This is where the “interesting” part comes in. Wade actually DEFENDED Michael Jackson and actually DENIED being molested by the icon in 2005 during the singer’s infamous second child molestation case, when Jackson’s former housekeeper Blanca Francia testified that she witnessed Jackson in the shower with Wade when he was 8 or 9 years old.

Wade, who also testified in defense of Jackson during his 1993 trial, explained the reason why he took so long to file the molestation allegations, saying that he “repressed” the memories for two decades.

Wade’s lawyer says Wade hasn’t asked for a specific amount of money from Jackson’s estate, which is currently embroiled in a wrongful death lawsuit worth $40 billion against AEG, and he’s making it clear that “the Jackson money machine” — as he calls it — won’t be able to “keep the truth from coming out.”

Wade’s attorneys are also making it clear that the lawsuit isn’t about money, as Wade has “substantial savings.”

As for lawyers for the Jackson estate, they are denying the allegations, saying that they are “outrageous and pathetic.”

Amanda Knox has been repeatedly vilified by the media because she was (gasp!) sexually active. The press, especially the Italian press, just couldn’t grasp the idea that Knox was doing something that most college students do.

Knox’s sexual history has been on trial for years — sending the damaging message that a woman who expresses her sexuality — will be judged and scrutinized.

Take her recent interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo for instance (aka some older dude yelling about “freaky sex stuff”). This steaming pile of garbage CNN calls an interview is troubling on many levels.

In case you missed it, Cuomo played the role of a douchie frat boy and Knox played the role of scolded cornered person.

“Knox is into some freaky sexual things!” he said. “Were you into into deviant sex? Insensitive question, but hey…”

Cumo’s backwards slut-shaming continued for most of the segment.

Watch the “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” moments unfold in the following clip:

Knox was convicted and then cleared of killing her roommate Meredith Kercher while they were studying abroad in Perugia, Italy. It was later announced that the Italian court is now seeking a re-trial.

One thing’s for certain … when it comes to CNN, there’s plenty of shitty “news coverage” to go round. Who could forget their skewed view of the Steubenville rape trial? Or their laughable “actually, we just made that up” coverage of the Boston bombing.

What kind of nonsense will the network churn out next? Faking a “remote” split-screen interview?

[H/T: Gawker]

Well this is pretty funny. On Tuesday morning, CNN’s Ashley Banfield and HLN’s Nancy Grace did a “remote” split-screen interview to discuss the Cleveland kidnappings (since they’re both currently in Phoenix, AZ covering the Jodi Arias trial), which is pretty normal stuff for news anchors to do, right? Of course! Only, both Banfield and Grace are not just in the same city … but they’re IN THE SAME DAMN PARKING LOT!

If you look closely at the GIF at the top of this page, you will immediately notice the same red car driving pass both Banfield and Grace.

Check out another damning GIF here:

Did you see the man walking by, and the Nissan Xterra driving by, in both shots?

Also, peep this:

THE SAME EXACT BUS. WTF, CNN! Do you think we’re stupid?

And not only are the two news anchors in the exact same parking lot facing the exact same direction, but according to The Atlantic Wire (who first pointed this SMH-worthy mess out), they can’t be anymore than 30 feet away from each other.

It seems that Grace and Banfield are sitting in the same parking lot, facing in the same direction, and judging by the speed of the vehicles in their shots, they cannot be sitting more than 30 feet away from each other. Yet, they’re behaving as if the are on opposite sides of the world.

Granted, Grace and Banfield are on two separate networks (that share the same parent company, never-the-less) … but still, the fact that they were pretending to be in two different parts of the world when they’re really just a few brisk steps away from each other makes this whole thing HILARIOUS.

Future has helped Ciara finally get a much-needed hit and how does she repay him? By messing with his money! That is, according to one man who just slapped Ciara’s boo thang with a lawsuit for bailing on a concert appearance because she wanted to be all uppity and what-not.

In an interview with Power 105.1′s “The Breakfast Club,” promoter Cliff Dutton says Future skipped out on a club appearance in Las Vegas and blames it all on Ciara. Apparently, when the club sent stretch limos to scoop up Future and Ciara, Ciara refused to enter and asked for SUVs instead.

Why would she act so funny over stretch limos? I assume because it’s no longer 1993. Whatever the case, after they sent SUVs per request, she still refused to go to the club so the couple skip the event altogether. Cliff ultimately booted them both from the hotel suite he paid for and has subsequently filed a $46,000 suit against the rapper.

Cliff told the morning show team, “I don’t give a damn about Ciara. I didn’t book Ciara.” Apparently, this would have been Future’s first paid appearance in Las Vegas.

Ciara, don’t come between a man and his money. You’ll mess around and get traded for Mya.

You can check out the interview below:

[H/T: Rhymes with Snitch]

When it comes to World Star Hip Hop fights, most of us can admit to enjoying some of the amateur boxing that takes place in local restaurants and parties and gets uploaded for our amusement. But this latest fight from a waffle house in Augusta, Ga. might have crossed the line.

Without operating on very much information here, it appears that the four women staff at a waffle house in Augusta engaged in a brouhaha. The ladies split into pairs and two waitresses got to tussling in the corner on the right. On the left side of the video, a larger women wearing yellow scraps and then restrains a woman in a green t-shirt.

While the camera is focused on the woman in yellow and the lady in green, you hear a primal howl of anguish and distress and the camera quickly shifts to the two ladies fighting on the right. That’s when we see what caused the blood-curdling cries: One waitress is sitting on top of the other as she pulls her hair out in handfuls.

You can hear the tearing and ripping as she yanks without restraint and then punches her co-worker in the face.

Jesus Christ.

I’m usually inclined to crack jokes on these videos but this kind of violence just makes me want to curl up in a corner and weep. All I know is somebody better see some jailtime behind this mess.

Watch the video of the brutal beatdown, if you can stomach it, below.

As Farrah Abraham‘s sex tape makes the rounds on the internet, her co-star in the traumatizing vid is speaking out. In an interview with Radar, James Deen felt the need to clarify the fact that Farrah’s 3-year-old daughter Sophia was not involved with the filming of the sexcapade what-so-ever, because that’s the one thing EVERYONE was SO concerned about.

“The child was not on set. Her kid was not involved in making any of the adult material,” he said.

Phew, that’s a relief! Now that we’re sure the child wasn’t involved, we can look at the tape as simply a single mom having unprotected sex with a porn star and earning thousands of dollars to share the footage with the world.

“I even said that if it came to a point where someone actually did call Child Protective Services,” Deen added, “I would happily testify that her daughter was not involved in the process of the film in any way, shape or form.”

We would love to see the transcripts from that hypothetical trial.

Deen, who has appeared in hundreds of adult films and is set appear alongside Lindsay Lohan in “The Canyons,” also defended Farrah’s decision to make a porn film in the first place.

“I think she did an amazing job. I get kind of bummed about society and the fact that just because a chick decides she wants to do a porno, that she needs to be called mean names and stuff and I kind of feel like people should be nicer to her. If she wants to express her sexuality, whatever her motivations for making the adult film may be, I kind of feel like she shouldn’t be ostracized for such decisions.”

Though Deen has a point, female empowerment is definitely not at work here.

Farrah’s tape is a complete exploitation of her sexuality that demeans women everywhere. The 21-year-old is actually an example of why women will never rise above the position they’re in now (no pun intended).

Lil Wayne, like every other major rapper before him, said he is considering one more album before retiring from rap. That, of course, is some bull as no rapper ever really retires. Still, MTV News had to entertain the lie for the sake of an interview, which led to Wayne discussing several projects that might precede Tha Carter V.

They include a sequel to the Weezy and Birdman album, Life Father, Like Son, and perhaps a Big Tymers album. As someone who still sings “Still Fly” like it came out a week ago, I was all for it until I saw that Wayne is considering adding a certain member of YMCMB into the mix. I imagine other vintage Cash Money fans will likely not be for it either.

Wayne explained:

“Possibility of that, possibility of a Big Tymers album, adding Drake. But that kid is so busy, it’s all kind of possibilities.”

As someone who grew up on Cash Money and can remember getting my roll on at many a high school game while the band played the best of the Big Tymers, let me just say, “Hell no! Drake gotta go.”

How does Drake even fit in the sound of Big Tymers? Mannie Fresh never cried over Aaliyah’s ghost not writing him back in a song. Rick Ross makes more sense as a Spice Girl than Drake does as a member of the Big Tymers. No thank you, Weezy.

You can watch Wayne explain such foolishness below:

As Lindsay Lohan gets further into her 90-day treatment program at the Betty Ford clinic in L.A., there’s one drug that she’ll be allowed to take while at the facility. TMZ is reporting that Lohan has permission to take Adderall during her time at the Betty Ford clinic.

Lohan reportedly has a prescription for the medication because she was previously diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. According to the FDA‘s website, Adderall is federally controlled because it can “be abused of lead to dependence.”

Lohan’s trip to rehab sparked controversy last week when news broke that she intended to check into Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach. It was revealed that the institution was not a licensed rehabilitation facility and the court determined that it was not a suitable treatment center for Lohan.

Now it’s being reported that Lohan’s lawyer Mark Heller, who attempted to defend Morningside, was completely full of shit. Heller, who Lohan fired and replaced with her former lawyer Shawn Holley, attempted to convince Judge Jim Dabney that the facility was in Lohan’s best interest.

Yet, documents obtained by TMZ tell a different story. The institution, which had its license revoked in Sept. 2012 purportedly “failed to report the death of a patient, providing unlicensed medical services and improperly handling prescription drugs.”

In other words (and as “30 Rock’s” Liz Lemon would say) … “Shut it down!”

While we may live in the age of live tweeting your sexual exploits, fact is no one has to tell you their business if they choose not to. I wish someone had explained this to Hot 97 DJ Mister Cee before he decided to talk to his co-workers about reportedly being arrested for trying to pay for penis on-air.

In one of the most embarrassing interviews in quite some time, the hip-hop producer and radio personality refused to give people the Jason Collins moment they were clamoring for.

Cee denies that he was trying to pay a man for some special attention, arguing that it was instead a female cop.

He explained:

“The female Latino cop, I have her badge number so I know who it is….The first story that came out in the Daily News said it was a female undercover officer and you can research and see that that story was posted. Then they changed it soon after to male undercover officer. I have no idea why it changed.”

Maybe because they realized she had a dick?

In any event, Mister Cee denied that he was gay, though he did note, “I support the gay community more than anyone knows.” I imagine he’s not referring to the 2011 charge of soliciting a male prostitute that he pleaded guilty to. On that, Cee claimed the only reason he took that charge was to keep his family’s peace of mind in tact.

He also admitted an addiction. “Yes, I do like prostitutes. I have engaged a lot with prostitutes in my life many times. Same with strippers. I’ve tricked on them many times… I don’t have an addiction to prostitutes. I have an addiction to instant gratification,” he said, adding, “I need help. I been dealing with it and trying to deal with it for the last 10-12 years.”

How many more dudes does one have to be caught with before acknowledging their preference? Clearly it depends on the person. For those that don’t believe him, Cee quipped: “If I’m lying and I chose not to come out, that’s my choice.”

That it is. While I believe Mister Cee seems more inclined to have a body party with Miss Lawrence than his home girl, I also find it funny that many of the people calling on him to be himself and live openly aren’t doing much in the way of making him feel comfortable.

Case in point:

Longtime crazy train passenger Lindsay Lohan is currently in rehab and unable to give those awkward, lie-filled interviews we love so much. But thankfully, just before she checked into the Betty Ford clinic in LA, she gave an interview with Piers Morgan in which she talked a whole lot of hilarious nonsense.

For instance, the actress claims that the only time she voluntarily went into rehab was when she was filming the 2007 film “I Know Who Killed Me” because working on the film gave her “nightmares.”

That’s right. Neither her addiction to drugs/alcohol nor the fact that she’s as troubled as they come sent her to rehab. It was because she’s such a method actress and got so deep into her role that she became “traumatized” by the whole thing.

Girl, please!

I’m no expert on rehabilitation facilities or anything like that, but I’m going to go on ahead and assume that rehab isn’t for curing the effects of starring in a shitty movie that gave you bad dreams.

“Once. I went when I was doing a movie called ‘I Know Who Killed Me,’ and I hadn’t been drinking for a year at that point, but I was having really bad nightmares and the movie was pretty traumatizing. So I stayed in a facility so I could get some sleep and talk about it with someone the next day, because it was overwhelming. But I would leave every day and just sleep there at night,” she continues, “I liked that. It was kind of like having my own live-in therapist, because I was having crazy nightmares and I was having AA meetings on set and stuff. It really helped.”

In her defense, I’ve seen that hot mess of a movie and it has haunted me to this day. I could have definitely used some counseling to get over watching that steaming pile of garbage. The movie makes “Liz & Dick” look like “Citizen Kane.”

For those of you that haven’t seen the film (hello, most of the world), the plot centers on a teenager who is kidnapped and tortured by a serial killer. Meanwhile, a stripper, who happens to be her secret twin sister, mysteriously begins losing her fingers and eventually her leg.

Warning: Spoilers ahead! (If you care…)

That’s because the twins are so connected that what happens to one of them also happens to the other. Meaning, when the murderer is cutting off girl A’s limbs, girl B also loses body parts.

If you think that’s funny, there’s also a scene in which the stripper runs to rescue her sister but doesn’t realize she forgot to charge her prosthetic leg and has to hop through the woods without it.

These are the things that nightmares are made of people!

Watch the trailer for “I Know Who Killed Me” here:

A rumor surfaced in Star magazine (via Celebitchy) that Simon Cowell asked X Factor judge Demi Lovato to lose 20 pounds. Would the King of Mean stoop that low?

“Simon doesn’t expect Demi to be supermodel skinny, but he does want her to look like she’s in shape,” stated the insider. “He’s set a weight-loss goal of 20 lbs. for Demi and asked her to work hard on it through the spring and summer.”

Though Cowell is a powerful force in the entertainment industry, the fact that he might have told a 20-year-old girl to drop weight in order to appear on his show makes him a douchebag.

The story, however, appears to be untrue. Cowell’s reps issued a statement in response to the allegations, EntertainmentWise reports.

“This story is complete lies,” they said. “Simon has never and would never, ever say this. It has been completely made up.”

But let’s be real. The comments didn’t sound too far-fetched coming from Simon. Plus, he has a track record in that department.

There were rumors last June that Cowell had judge Britney Spears on a strict diet for the show, though Brit’s rep denied it.

In 2004, Karen L. Smith, a clinical social worker specializing in eating disorders, wrote an essay on the dangers of Cowell’s remarks about the weight of American Idol contestants and his fellow judges.

When Mandisa Hundley auditioned for America Idol in 2006 Cowell quipped, “Do we have a bigger stage this year?”

In a 2008 interview, Girlband, who competed on the UK version of X Factor, told Heat that Cowell wanted members of the group to drop a few pounds.

All the more unsettling is the fact that Lovato is recovering from anorexia and bulimic. The former Disney sensation, who publicly battled anger management issues and has spoken openly about grappling with self-mutilation, has made a tremendous effort to get her life on track.

Lovato rose to fame after appearing on the hit tween series Sonny with a Chance but behind the scenes, the star found the pressures of fame to be suffocating.

In a revealing 2012 interview with Katie Couric, Lovato revealed that she began struggling with body image issues when she was just 3 years old.

“I remember being 3 years old, in a diaper, and rubbing my hand over my stomach,” Lovato said, “And I remember thinking in my head, I wonder if this will ever be flat. I always had self-confidence issues in my body and self image.”

She also spoke about sometimes eating as little as two meals a week and at time purging up to six times a day.

Her issues spiraled out of control when she punched a backup dancer while on tour with the Jonas Brothers.

Rather than let her struggles get the better of her, as many young women in the public eye have, Lovato went through treatment and has become a positive figure that many look up to. She currently encourages her fans to have a healthy self-image.

So when a rumor emerges that her healthy lifestyle means she isn’t thin enough to appear on TV, it sends a disturbing message.

Not only because it reinforces the idea that being very thin equals beauty but because it reminds us that few TV personalities look like everyday people.

X Factor is currently seeking two more judges. Let’s hope they aren’t forced to starve themselves to meet anyone’s standards.

[Celebitchy, ABC News , Gossip Cop, Full Living, HEAT, EntertainmentWise]

In a strange twist of events, Antoine Dodson, YouTube’s most flamboyant viral sensation, took to Facebook to renounce his homosexuality and declare his love for God. What’s next? Is Tiger Woods going to take a vow of celibacy and become a Catholic priest?

The whole thing started when Dodson posted this bizarre message on Facebook saying he was “no longer into homosexuality” and expressed that he wanted a wife and children.

Most people reacted with skepticism and outrage at Antoine’s announcement. The ex-gay movement, a belief among certain people that homosexuality can be willed or “cured” has long drawn sharp criticism from gay rights groups who have deemed the organizations cultish, deceitful and harmful.

Antoine, however, isn’t involved in an ex-gay movement so much as he’s been swept up by the Black Hebrew Israelite sect of Christianity. This group, which some have labeled as a cult, makes strong lifestyle demands of its members and homosexuality is not a trait the group entertains.

In an effort to explain himself, Antoine appeared on Huff Post Live for a segment. The host was shady as all hell as she repeatedly probed and questioned Antoine’s newfound attraction to women.

Interviewer: Antoine, are you now attracted to women?

Antoine: Even back then, before I even came out and said “I’m gay, this, that and the other…” I was dating women. Growing up in school I was dating women so this is not new to me. I’ve always liked the art of a woman. I’ve always liked that. I guess it got to the point so much that I tried to like actually be that instead of being with that. I was like, “You know what? This is just foolishness, let me just get back to who I am.”

Interviewer: I have to wonder, listening to you talk about the art of a woman’s body, which is not the way most straight men talk about women’s bodies but hey, what do I know?

Antoine: You’re not a man!

That reporter was reading Antoine down to the ground.

WATCH THE WHOLE SEGMENT BELOW:

While Antoine is putting religion front and center, the main motive for Antoine’s decision to become an ex-gay seems rooted in his utter loneliness. He mentions that his younger, heterosexual siblings all have families and he is left all alone with no one to call partner or a child to call him daddy.

It’s understandable that he’d feel isolated when he compares his life with his siblings, but that’s no excuse to live a lie. Even if Antoine in his hearts of hearts really believes he can live a heterosexual lifestyle, what normal woman is going to want to marry and procreate with a man who has lived life as a well-known gay figure?

Her extensions, wigs and stilettos would never be safe around her “man” and frankly, there aren’t too many women who’d find the idea of that very appealing.

But hey, do you, Antoine Dodson. I just hope the Israelites can maintain his lifestyle, because being a sourpuss, Revelations-style, extremist Christian ain’t gonna rake in the ad dollars and iTunes monies like “Bed Intruder” did.

If you were just about to sit down with a bottle of fine wine and read “The Collected Works of Henrik Ibsen.” Hold off! We found something way more dramatic.

If you weren’t up all night glued to Amanda Bynes‘ Twitter feed to see what she would post next (*guilty*) then you may have missed her throw down with VH1 talk show host Jenny McCarthy.

The Twitter war began when McCarthy posted that she heard the cops were at Bynes’ house:

“Police are at Amanda Bynes’ house. I hope they get her help. Enough of this circus. She needs help.”

She later added:

“It came from a publicist but if no one can back it up it could be wrong.”

Looks like McCarthy has the news reporting skills of the factually challenged CNN.

It was later revealed by Hollywood Life that no cops were at the Crazy Train passenger’s house and that some celebrity publicist named Jonathan Jaxson made the whole thing up.

Bynes tweeted:

@JennyMcCarthy you’re ugly! Police weren’t at my house old lady! Shut the fuck up!

If that’s not enough, she also added:

@jennymccarthy I need help? What are u talking about? Aren’t u 50 years old? I’m 27, u look 80 compared to me! Why are you talking about me?

For what it’s worth, Jenny McCarthy is 40 years old and looks far better than the steaming pile of hot mess that Amanda Bynes has morphed into.

McCarthy then apologized, which is what everyone should do when a crazy person publicly insults them and tells them to “shut the fuck up.”

@amandabynes sorry girl. Looking out for ya.

— Jenny McCarthy (@JennyMcCarthy) May 2, 2013

Bynes then changed her mind and referred to the sexpot as “beautiful.”

@JennyMcCarthy thanks! I’m sorry I offended you! You’re beautiful! I was lying! I’ll delete our tweets!

Now that the McCarthy/Bynes saga has concluded, Bynes can go back to posting topless photos of herself looking haggard.

[H/T: Hollywood Life]

Surprise! Lindsay Lohan‘s rehab check in did NOT go smoothy. Here’s a re-telling of the OMG moments that played out.

Lohan flew from NY to LA on Thursday to begin a mandated 90-day treatment program only to flee from the facility.

The actress was set to begin her treatment program at Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, Calif., but Us Weekly reported that the famed train-wreck never even checked in.

Why? Because Lohan, who is known for citing ludicrous reasons for her actions, supposedly did not “feel safe.”

“She felt Morningside was not suitable for her,” a source told the mag. “There were too many paparazzi everywhere and she didn’t feel safe. Nobody close to her is happy about this. They think she’s really not being smart.”

The source also stated that Lohan may be in some serious trouble: “As of now, she is not in compliance with what the court was going to allow her to do,”

Another source told the New York Daily News that Lohan was on the facilitiy’s property when she decided that she wouldn’t be beginning the court-ordered treatment program.

Earlier in the day, when Lohan’s lawyer, Mark Heller, claimed that Lohan was tucked away in Morningside Recovery, TMZ posted photos of her in Fry’s Electronics in Fountain Valley, Calif.

“She was saying, ‘I’m not going to rehab. I’m not going to rehab.Take me back to the airport,” said NYDN’s source.

According to reports, many suspected that the star was headed back to NY.

Controversy over Lohan’s rehab stint began earlier in the day when news broke that she was headed to Morningside instead of the Seafield Center in Westhampton Beach, N.Y., the court-approved facility.

The 26-year-old allegedly refused to receive treatment at Seafield because they do not allow smoking.

As TMZ noted in the early morning hours, Santa Monica Attorney Terry White was not pleased with Lohan’s last minute change.

According to White, Morningside had its license suspended last year and has been sued by at least nine different family members of patients because it failed to provide adequate treatment.

Yet Judge Jim Dabney ruled in the starlet’s favor, allowing her to stay at Morningside pending further investigation.

Too bad she threw his leniency right back in his face!

When White learned that Lohan had not checked into Morningside, he made it clear that she would face the consequences.

“If she’s not in Morningside, she’s in violation of her probation,” he said.

Hope, if you can call it that, arrived when her father Michael Lohan convinced her not to fly back to NY. He later did what any concerned parent would do: he blabbed about it to the media.

“The DA called me to get in touch with Lindsay, who was headed to get on a flight to New York,” he told The Daily News. “I stopped her from getting on and told her she’d be arrested in New York.”

“She said, ‘Daddy, how can they arrest me?’ I got her just before she left,” Lohan said.

Tune in next time for another installment of the Lindsay Lohan Rehab Saga.

A semi-NSFW photo appearing to show rapper Danny Brown receiving what is being deemed an “unwanted blowjob” from an overeager fan during a concert in Minneapolis has been making the rounds on the Internet this week.

The Detroit rapper has yet to comment on the bizarre “experience,” but his best friend and fellow artist Kitty Pryde wrote about it in a lengthy post for the Vice blog Noisey, bringing up the fact that what happened was most definitely rape, and how it was NOT okay.

A little backstory: According to HuffPost Music (via AllHipHop), Brown was performing as part of The Old & Reckless tour when he invited some female fans on stage, and one extremely horny woman apparently took that as an invitation to orally rape him.

One concertgoer who was near the stage explained the incident, and added that Brown continued his set and kept on rapping as if nothing happened:

I was right behind the girl and saw everything it was scaring edit: Okay so this is how it all went down I was near the front row and all night Danny had been going up to the crowd and having random girls touch his dick through his pants.

Then this girl in front of me starts flashing him and he goes up to her and grabs her tits. Then all of a sudden gets up close pulls his shirt up a little and she start blowing him. Then I’m behind her and I start getting pushed against her by the crowd shifting. It horrible and i hope you guys will be donating to my future therapy sessions but also i came back with a story. He rapped the entire time during too.

Apparently, Danny Brown’s shtick is that he’s nasty, vulgar and overly sexual, but that crazy woman definitely took things a bit too far. No one deserved a sex act to be “forced” upon them.

The fact that a guy’s pants was pulled down and he forcibly received oral sex, and kept on rapping, may seem pretty funny on the outside … but had that been a woman, someone would be in jail right now. Or dead.

Just picture it. Some perv yanking Nicki Minaj’s pants down and practicing fellatio on her live on stage in front of an audience. That guy probably would have been shot on sight. Shit would have made CNN! Granted, it’s Nicki Minaj, but change the example to a lesser known — like Azealia Banks — and you would still get the same amount of outrage.

Kitty Pryde, who is currently touring with Danny Brown, wrote in her blog post that the incident is rarely ever brought up among their crew, and on that rare instance that someone does mention it, it is referred to as “The Thing.”

“The Thing” has already sparked a big discussion on Twitter, and various threads on Reddit featuring comments from people who were there, saying they thought the whole ‘thing’ was scary.

Kendrick Lamar even gave Brown an incredulous congratulations, and Brown tweeted back, writing: “didn’t miss one bar bruh bruh.” But after realizing that he was making light of a live rape (his OWN live rape at that), Brown quickly deleted his tweet, but not before someone sreenshotted it. (See above)

Kitty Pryde, however, is far from making light of the incident, which she referred to as a “sexual assault” on her friend. Here’s a snippet of what she wrote in her blog post:

Like anyone else, Danny wants to be respected as an artist and a human. Like any other male, especially those in the public eye (and especially those who spend a lot of time talking about licking vaginas), he wants to be respected as a “man.”

I’m mad that a person thought it was okay to pull another person’s pants down during their performance in front of about 700 other people. I’m mad that a person thought it was a good idea to perform a sex act on another person without their consent. I’m mad that nobody made her leave.

I’m mad that Danny had to actually wonder what he was supposed to do at that point. I’m mad that when I went home and said I had no respect for that girl, I was attacked for being a “slut-shamer” (after literally leading a girl to his hotel room at 3AM at her request) and, even more outrageously, for being jealous of the girl who sucked his dick.

I’m mad that when two dudes pulled my pants down onstage, other people got mad too, but when it happened to Danny the initial reaction was like one big high-five. I’m mad that people are treating “The Thing” like it’s some legendary event.

I’m mad that even though they know exactly who the girl is, nobody in the media will even talk to her. I’m mad that I get a bunch of emails a day asking me to talk about my best friend’s “misogyny” and “classless behavior”, from people who have heard only rumors and seen only one very blurry and inconclusive iPhone photo.

I won’t go into detail about the actual events because I was pretty drunk and I don’t want to tell the wrong story. I will say that it happened so quickly that nobody I talked to after the show even knew anything had happened (there was only one photo and no video—how rare is that). I will also say that whoever wrote on Reddit that Danny was “walking around the stage getting girls to grab his dick” is 100% false, and to blame someone for their own molestation is a shitty thing to do.

Anybody who is exaggerating this tale to climax is also a lying fool, and to call it a blow job is even going a bit far because it was probably the fastest thing I’ve ever seen. “The Thing” was not a thing that Danny facilitated—it was an actual sexual assault, and somehow nobody gives a fuck about that but me.

It’s obvious that the reason nobody cares is because a girl did it to a boy. I said this on my blog, but I’ll say it again here—I had my pants ripped off onstage, and didn’t know what to do either because being naked in front of 1000 people is incredibly scary and there’s not much quick decision-making happening in your brain during that sort of thing. Now I’m prepared to kick a motherfucker in the teeth if he touches me at all, and I equip myself with giant boots for that reason.

What is Danny supposed to do? The girl was at mouth-to-dick level already and to push her away, he would’ve had to either pushed her face or kicked her, and even the most gentle of either motion would immediately be labeled “abuse” by anyone watching. Guys pushing girls is not a good look when people are taking photos. So what was Danny supposed to do, other than back away, which he did?

And if he had figured out a way to gently push the girl off him immediately without looking like he was smacking her in the face, he’s faced with attacks on his masculinity by every douchebro in the building. Yo dude, you don’t want your dick sucked, bro? Are you gay? Haha you’re gay you don’t want girls to suck your dick haha gay dude bro man swag! And that’s a rapper’s literal nightmare.

If you’ve been doing absolutely nothing but waiting for Farrah Abraham‘s sex tape to hit the web, a nice teaser has arrived just for you!

TMZ has obtained some artful still shots of the “Teen Mom” star in the throws of passionate lovemaking with porn star James Deen. Just kidding! They’re as sleazy as it gets, but you probably already knew that.

The pics show the reality star in her bra and panties and in various poses. We’re treated to mouth wide open Farah, bending Farah, moaning Farah, and more!

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid news of this tape (in which case, congrats on waking up from your coma), Farrah and Deen shot the pornographic vid in April and were supposed to pull an “Oops, my sex tape leaked onto the internet.” But alas, the plan was foiled when Deen blabbed to the media about it. Porn stars … you never can count on ‘em.

News later emerged that Farah sold the tape to Vivid Entertainment for nearly $1 million.

Oh and get this … the tape is titled “Farrah Abraham: Backdoor Teen Mom.”

We’re sure her daughter will be proud when she grows up and finds out what the Internet is, and what mommy did with it.

Amanda Bynes, everyone’s favorite Twitter abusing nutcase, is still posting cryptic musings and photos of herself.

This time around, she’s tweeting semi-nude pics of herself and is claiming that she needs to lose weight — a lot of weight. The pics feature Bynes in a black lace pushup bra and yoga pants. The photos appear to have been taken in her bathroom. In one of them, she is totally topless, using her hands to cover her breasts/nipples. Classy!

The 5’8” crazy pill consumer wrote:

About to put on makeup! I weigh 135, I’ve gained weight! I need to be 100 lbs! twitpic.com/cn7gtx

— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) April 30, 2013

That’s right. Now that’s she’s mastered being insane, her goal is to be underweight. That’ll send a great message to her fans. But wait, she probably doesn’t have any of those anymore, so we’re good.

Her latest post contrasts what she posted last week when she said:

All I want is a boyfriend who wants us to grow old and to get fat together.

— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) April 24, 2013

According to Health Check Systems, a woman of Bynes’ height should weigh somewhere between 126 to 139 pounds.

But it doesn’t end there. The bleach blonde also tells InTouch Weekly that she that she is not crazy, and that only an “ugly” person would say such a thing about her.

“I have no clue [why people call me crazy]. Every time I’ve heard it, it came from an ugly person’s mouth, so I don’t care. The only ones lying about me having a mental illness are people I don’t talk to. I only have hot friends. They have my back until I die.”

Sounds like all of that peroxide she put in her hair has seeped into her brain! The poor thing.

With members of law enforcement on high alert for potential terrorists, the public has been reminded who the real dangerous individuals are … high school girls who are into science.

Miami News Times is reporting that Kiera Wilmot, a student at Miami’s Bartow High School, was expelled from school and is facing criminal charges, after a science experiment she was conducting exploded.

The incident has generated widespread attention and is shaking up the blogosphere.

The so-called “crime” occurred on Monday (Apr 29) when the 16-year-old mixed common household chemicals into a water bottle to see what would happen. The mixture of random chemicals apparently caused the cap on the bottle to fly off and some smoke appeared, but no one was hurt.

In a statement, the principal of the school said that Wilmot simply made a bad decision.

“She made a bad choice. Honestly, I don’t think she meant to ever hurt anyone,” principal Ron Pritchard told the station. “She wanted to see what would happen [when the chemicals mixed] and was shocked by what it did. Her mother is shocked, too.”

Unfortunately, police saw the situational differently. The teen has been charged with “possession/discharge of a weapon on school grounds and discharging a destructive device.”

Those words carry a whole lot of weight these days, when on-campus violence is not only prevalent but has manifested in horrific ways. It’s likely that Wilmot’s future is in jeopardy, since she has been expelled from school and will now have to complete her diploma through an expulsion program.

We’re guessing that’s not going to look too great on a college application. Not to mention getting a job is also going to be a challenge, considering one has to inform potential employers if they have ever been convicted of a crime.

Thankfully, the school district is fighting for her and won’t let her suffer for the rest of her life for what was a harmless act.

Oh wait, no … they actually support the girl being punished as if she were a dangerous, life-threatening criminal. Go figure.

The district said in a statement:

“Anytime a student makes a bad choice it is disappointing to us. Unfortunately, the incident that occurred at Bartow High School yesterday was a serious breach of conduct. In order to maintain a safe and orderly learning environment, we simply must uphold our code of conduct rules. We urge our parents to join us in conveying the message that there are consequences to actions. We will not compromise the safety and security of our students and staff.”

You would think that all of the attention that the case has gotten would force authorities and the school to take their hardcore punishment down a notch, but nope. The Polk County School District tell Miami News Times that kids should learn “there are consequences to their actions.”

Where is that criminal sensitive CNN coverage when you really need it?

[Miami News Times, WTSP]

“Florida man“ strikes again!

Apparently confusing 911 for a “Kool-Aid, burgers and weed” delivery service, a man from Florida thought to dial the emergency number — not just once, or twice, or even ten times, but 80 TIMES — to request those three things, and now he’s in jail for it. Stupid Florida Man.

According to the police affidavit, obtained by the Tampa Bay Times, 34-year-old Jarvis Sutton of St. Petersburg, Fla. called 911 on Sunday (Apr 28) “approximately 80 times” because he wanted “Kool-Aid, burgers and weed to be delivered to him.”

Somethin’ to smoke on. Somethin’ to snack on. Then somethin’ to sip on. This guy wanted it all.

Sutton never got any of those things, of course, but what he did get was a nice trip down to the Pinellas County Jail. Police said on the way there, Sutton started chewing on the foam attached to the metal caging in the back of the police cruiser.

Sutton faces a charge of misusing 911, and was reportedly still in jail as of Wednesday, May 1st … even though his bail is only $150.

Mugshot via WTSP

An 80-year-old woman from Florida was left embarrassed after she accidentally a REAL diamond worth $5,000 at a charity event in Tampa, Florida.

According to USA Today (via Newser), the octogenarian attended a fashion show fundraiser in Tampa on Saturday (Apr 27), and purchased a $20 flute of champagne with a small, but potentially very valuable, prize inside.

Of the 400 glasses, 399 contained a measly $10 cubic zirconia, and 1 lucky glass held the $5,000 diamond. Miriam Tucker had that lucky glass … but the only problem was that she accidentally swallowed the diamond.

“I thought I’d drink a bit of champagne so I didn’t have to stick my finger so far into the glass,” Tucker tells the Tampa Bay Times. “We were laughing and talking when I realized I swallowed it.”

Embarrassed, and assuming she’d only ingested cubic zirconia, Tucker stayed quiet and waited for the winner’s excited scream. None came, and jewelers with probes and a loupe could not find the winner, so Tucker was finally forced to admit what happened.

She already had the colonoscopy scheduled, so she warned her doctor what he might find; he did indeed locate the missing diamond, which was sent to the jewelry store in a biohazard bag, cleaned, and returned to Tucker.

Yikes … Talk about a diamond in the rough!

When the economy sank into ruin, those responsible for running the country into the ground were exempt from facing the consequences of their actions. Yet students sinking into debt to fund their education have been expected to pay back every penny.

If these evil and greedy knowledge seekers, who selfishly want to make something of themselves, can’t pay for their education — they get harassed by creditors, see their credit score fall, and (in many cases) have their wages garnished. In that order.

But wait! Now there’s a solution.

If you’re an “attractive” woman, you can allow someone to exert power over you by letting them cover your expenses in exchange for “companionship.”

SeekingArrangement.com (via WNEM.com), a website for Sugar Daddy seekers, has released a study that shows 15 percent more college students used a sugar daddy in order to graduate debt free last year.   

“College students are attracted to this lifestyle because it’s honest, open, and ultimately beneficial,” says Brandon Wade, Founder and CEO of the site. “Granted, the terms of any mutually beneficial arrangement are uniquely catered. But all enable Sugar Babies to pursue their goals through the generosity of the benefactor.”

This news is great for men, since they usually never have ways of being more powerful than women. Now at least they can exercise control over them in this one small way.

SeekingArrangement.com currently has the tagline:

“12 Girls for Each Guy … Spoil Them and They Spoil You Back”

Susan B. Anthony, that’s catchy!

It also claims to be the “#1 Sugar Daddy Dating Site in the World.” Good Lord, there are others?

Here’s how the site defines Sugar Daddies:

“You may be young or old, single or married, but you are generous and successful. You are seeking a mutually beneficial relationship and you have no time for games.”

And here’s how they define Sugar Babies:

“Sugar babies are attractive, ambitious & young at heart. Sugar babies are college students, aspiring actors and actresses, single moms, or someone just starting out.”

A site exclusively for young girls seeking sugar daddies, and vice versa. How progressive! It’s so great to see how far women have come from the “Mad Men” days in which the men were successful and the women were reduced to how attractive they were.

The site has also released a list of schools that have the biggest spike in “sugar babies.” Maybe the heads of theses institutions will review these new findings and lower their damn prices. Just kidding! That’s never going to happen.

1.       New York University — 201%

2.       Temple University — 207%

3.       Georgia State University — 297%

4.       Kent State University (Ohio) — 197%

5.       Arizona State University — 252%

6.       University of Georgia — 163%

7.       University of Houston — 188%

8.       Florida State University — 240%

9.       University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee — 154%

10.     University of South Florida — 148%

11.     Michigan State University — 243%

12.     Alabama University — 260%

13.     Tulane University — 252%

14.     Penn State University — 158%

15.     Ohio University — 173%

Forget deadly cab drivers, crazy people on the subway, and falling cranes. The Big Apple now has horrifying fish! As if New Yorkers didn’t already have to face 1,000 possible ways to be freaked out during any given day.

NBC NY is reporting that environmental officials will search a Central Park lake this week because it is believed that the snakehead fish, native to China, North Korea and Russia, may be lurking in a man-made marsh.

Signs around the Harlem Meer warn that anyone who sees the fish, nicknamed Fishzilla, should “secure” it and “keep it in a secure container until it is picked up by officials.”

Sorry, but only a crazy person would “secure” one of these things and put it into a giant container. Honestly, the best thing to do would be to KILL IT WITH FIRE. IMMEDIATELY.

But anyway, here are five reasons to avoid what seems like something out of a B horror movie.

1. They can survive on land for days (DAYS!) because they BREATHE FREAKIN’ AIR (LIKE LAND ANIMALS!)

Thought that fish only lived under water? Well apparently you’ve been misled your whole life, and you should hold every science teacher that has been in  your life accountable. The snakehead fish can live out of water for up to four days. Can you say “yikes?”

2. Their slimy little fish bodies can crawl

That’s right, these creepy creatures — who can grow up to three feet long — can use their fins to slither on land and get to water. Oh yeah, and they climb trees too. Are you scared yet? No? Well, you should be.

3. They look like this

4. This National Geographic video of them exists

5. And, did we mention that they LOOK LIKE THIS?!?

Anything that has been dubbed “Frankenfish” simply can’t be good. But in all fairness, there have been no ACTUAL sightings of this thing … yet (at least from people who aren’t looking for them).

Honestly, this could be one of the many ways the media scares the hell out of people. Still, these things are pretty damn freaky!

Since a woman is often reduced to how she looks, celebs in the public eye often go to extreme lengths in order to stay trim. Jessica Alba, who has made a career out of starring in crappy movies and posing for men’s magazines, is no different.

In a recent interview with Net-A-Porter, Alba revealed that she wore a corset for three months to flatter her stomach.

“It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,” she said. “I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.”

Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time Alba has undertaken extreme measures to maintain her svelte frame. Last November, Perez Hilton reported that Alba underwent laser liposuction treatment.

And in June 2011, Alba admitted to Lucky magazine that she starved herself to lose the weight she gained during her second pregnancy. At the time, she said, “I have a hard time with portion control, so I have 1,200 calorie meals delivered. But I also work out, so basically I’m starving. It sucks. I drink a lot of water.”

In 2005, after the actress became famous for sought after bod, she told Glamour magazine that she once suffered from an eating disorder. “A lot of girls have eating disorders, and I did too. I got obsessed with it,” Alba revealed.

Alba also has a history of mistakenly thinking she’s larger than she is.

That same year, she told RollingStone: “I hear people in this industry talking shit all the time about how Jennifer Lopez is fat,” she says tersely. “And I know if they’re calling her fat, they’re saying the same shit about me.”

Uhm. Can you say … delusional?

Gwyneth Paltrow must really love pissing people off. When she’s not making eye roll-inducing statements or indirectly telling people to drop thousands of dollars on designer clothing (or promoting the fact that she basically starves her children) — the actress is promoting a line of string bikini’s for little girls.

Since Gwynnie isn’t in movies all that much these days, she has to stay relevant by forcing her extreme diet down people’s throats and promoting the sexualization of children.

Huffpo Style is reporting that the 40-year-old star has caused controversy by featuring the skimpy bathing suits on her lifestyle website GOOP.

Photos on the site feature a little blonde girl posing (in one pic like a Victoria Secret model) sporting the rather sultry-looking bikini, designed by Melissa Odabash. Paltrow wrote that the bikinis are “great for girls who want to look grown-up.” (There she goes making my eye roll again…)

Isn’t it enough that grown women are objectified on a daily basis? Do we really need another thing on the web that will excite pervs? The British anti-child advocacy group Kidscape seems to think so.

A representative for the child safety charity told the Daily Mail, “We remain very opposed to the sexualization of children and of childhood. The dangers have been discussed at length, so it is a great pity that such trends continue and that they carry celebrity endorsement.”

A man from Michigan recently found out he was facing up to 15 years in prison after he was convicted of raping with two of his pet dogs on two separate occasions. The same (unfortunate) person caught him both times.

According to Michigan Live News, 37-year-old Kurtis Peterson, a convicted sex offender, was first caught “penetrating” one of his dogs — a bluee heeler — by a woman named Joyce Yeaw at his apartment in Muskegon, Mich. on his bed in April 2012.

At the time, Peterson told her he was “just hugging his dog.” (Right…) But he was busted again by Joyce just two months later when she was returning keys she borrowed from his roommate, and she walked in on him having sex with his pit bull.

Las Vegas Woman Caught Having Sex with Pit Bull in Her Backyard in Broad Daylight

This time she called the cops (honestly she should have called them the first time…) and Peterson was arrested. Yeaw said, “He was having sex with the dog, it was disgusting.”

Kurtis Peterson’s mugshot

When Peterson was questioned by police, he claimed he was “just playing with the dog” in the April incident, but he became “sexually aroused from accidental contact from the animal’s rear,” which led to the later assault.

It isn’t known whether Peterson sexually assaulted his pets on other occasions, but he was convicted of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct in 1996 in another Michigan county, so yeah … he probably did. The sick bastard.

Back in March, Peterson pleaded no contest to “the abominable and detestable crime against nature,” also known as sodomy or bestiality, and on Monday (Apr 22), he was handed a one to fifteen year prison term by 14th Circuit Judge Timothy Hicks.

Judge Hicks said that he went above and beyond state guidelines in his ruling because “I fear for what he might do in the community,” and also, Peterson hasn’t been adjusting well to life in jail.

Hicks said since Peterson’s been in jail, “there have been many complaints of unwanted and inappropriate touching,” which literally proves his point.

So it turns out that the biggest problem in Lil Scrappy‘s life right now isn’t his love triangle with his babymama/fiancee Erica Dixon and his “best friend” Shay Johnson. It’s actually his (alleged) drug habit. Scrappy had to turn himself in to Atlanta police on Tuesday April 23 after a warrant was issued for his arrest.

Here’s the thing; when it comes to hip hop, going to prison is a street cred move. Some people even go back for repeat visits for extra credit like DMX and T.I., and more recently Gucci Mane. But in order for this to work as a G thang, it’s gotta be for a crime worth bragging about.

On that front, Scrappy’s turning himself in to police after a warrant was issued for his arrest following his refusal to take a urine test back in March doesn’t quite measure up.

According to a report from TMZ, Scrappy turned in a urine sample that was cold to the touch which raised red flags for law enforcement officials. So they asked him to submit a fresh sample and he refused.

Guess Scrappy knew that the results of that test would not be in his favor so he punted.

So he opted to turn himself in. But Scrappy didn’t go down quietly. He turned himself in with style and grace as he had his fiancee (are they still engaged???) on one side and his wack-a-doddle mother Momma Dee on the other.

The deranged pimp/grandma even had a “Free Scrappy (in that order)” t-shirt handy for the paparazzi’s cameras. The good news is that nothing was misspelled this time. Y’all know Momma Dee be mixing up her consonants and things.

No word yet on how long Scrappy will be holed up in prison. Hopefully it isn’t too long, we wouldn’t want him to miss out too much on all the ratchet good times on LHHA.

[Pics: Freddy O]

Reese Witherspoon let her inner Amanda Bynes take over this weekend when she got arrested early Friday morning in Atlanta after she went off on police as they were arresting her husband for driving under the influence.

As first reported by Variety, the “Legally Blonde” actress was riding shotgun early Friday morning (Apr 19) with her husband Jim Toth in their silver 2013 Ford Fusion when Toth was pulled over on suspicion of DUI after cops spotted him on Peachtree St. weaving across lanes.

In their report, police said Toth not only looked drunk, but he also reeked of alcohol, and his eyes were “blood shot and watery.” Toth said he only had one drink, but he took a Breathalyzer test that stated his blood alcohol level was .139, well above the legal limit of 0.08.

As the cops were dealing with Toth, that’s when Toth’s equally inebriated ‘superstar’ wife decided to get all uppity and pulled the “Do you know who I am?” card, which eventually led to Witherspoon being placed in handcuffs, just like her drunk husband.

Variety has all the details here (pay especial attention to the bolded portions):

Toth was pulled over after midnight Friday driving a silver 2013 Ford Focus, which the officer witnessed weaving across a double line on Atlanta’s Peachtree St. Toth appeared disheveled and his breath smelled of alcohol, according to the police report, prompting the officer to administer a sobriety test.

As Toth walked in the Walgreens parking lot where the officer instructed him to pull over to, Witherspoon became increasingly agitated from the vehicle, which prompted the officer to warn her to stay in the car for the sake of her own safety.

“Mrs. Witherspoon began to hang out the window and say that she did not believe that I was a real police officer,” according to the police report. “I told Mrs. Witherspoon to sit on her butt and be quiet.”

Once Toth was placed under arrest, Witherspoon exited the vehicle and was instructed to get back in the car. According to the report, she “stated that she was a ‘US citizen’ and that she was allowed to ‘stand on American ground.’”

The officer then detailed how she resisted as he grabbed her arms to arrest as Toth attempted to calm her down.

As the report details, “Mrs. Witherspoon asked, “Do you know my name?” I answered, “No, I don’t need to know your name.” I then added, “right now.” Mrs. Witherspoon stated, “You’re about to find out who I am.”

The report also specified, “Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, ‘You are going to be on national news.’ I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.”

Reese Witherspoon — who should be applauded for clearly exercising and standing up for her right as an American citizen to be a drunken mess and get arrested for it — was right about two things.

One, the police officer did find out who she was — especially after he arrested her and booked her disorderly conduct. And two, he did end up on national news. Maybe she should become a fortune teller, because she’s pretty good at predicting the foreseeable future.

For archival purposes, the full police report detailing the incident from the arresting officer’s point of view is here.

Reese and Jim’s car was impounded after were both hauled off to jail, and an unidentified passenger in the backseat caught a cab. The happily married couple — who tied the knot in 2011 welcomed their first child together last September — posted bail the next day and was released after sobering up.

On Sunday, after the news broke, Reese released the following statement:

“Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that was no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I am very sorry for my behavior.”

Reese’s lawyers met with the prosecutor Monday morning (Apr 22) and worked out a deal in which she will go through what is known as a “pre-trial intervention program” to avoid getting a criminal conviction on her record, a spokesman for the Atlanta Municipal Court said, according to CNN.

The court’s website says that the program provides “alternative methods of resolving criminal matters other than prosecution.”

The judge has scheduled a hearing in Atlanta for May 22nd to find out whether or not Reese is complying with the program. As for her husband Jim, his hearing is set for May 23rd.

Mugshots via AP

WTF?!? Did Beyonce get slapped and have her hair pulled during her concert in Serbia last week???

That’s the burning question on the collective minds of the Beyhive, as video footage has emerged of their Queen Bee appearing to be attacked by a rabid “fan” while she walks through the crowd during the opening night of her “Mrs. Carter Show” tour in Belgrade last Monday (Apr 15).

The video footage is extremely blurry, but you can clearly see Beyonce getting struck, and it also looks like her hair was pulled. Beyonce’s longtime bodyguard Julius was present, but everything happened so quickly, even he didn’t know what to do. By the time he realized what had happened, the assailant had probably already ducked back into the crowd.

Of course, being the professional that she is, Beyonce didn’t even miss a beat and kept on performing as if nothing happened.

It isn’t known whether or not the assault against her was deliberate, or an honest mistake, but regardless, Beyonce and her team should maybe re-think the whole walking through the crowd thing. It doesn’t seem too safe.

As for that so-called “fan,” they better watch their back. The Beyhive don’t play.

[H/T: The Rundown]

Chicago Bulls fans have no doubt been missing their star player Derrick Rose do his thing on the court, as the NBA star has been recovering from a serious ACL injury since the 2012 playoffs. But one fan in particular has taken Rose’s injury and him missing the entire 2012 – 2013 NBA season (it isn’t known whether or not he will miss this year’s playoffs too) so seriously that he’s decided to sue the Bulls point guard.

HipHop365 reports that a 25-year-old Peoria, Ill. man named Matthew Thompson, who is a longtime Bulls fan, filed a lawsuit against Derrick Rose last Thursday, claiming that Rose’s lingering injury and extended absence from the team has led to Thompson having several mental breakdowns and suffering from emotional distress, which ultimately led to his current “obesity issues.”

So in other words, Derrick Rose missing this NBA season, and the fact that he will most likely miss this year’s playoffs, after already missing last year’s playoffs, has made Thompson a “fat, depressed, mess,” as Bleacher Report put it.

According to reports, Thompson claims in his lawsuit that Rose is displaying “negligent behavior” by refusing to return to the court, even though team doctors cleared him to play last month.

Despite Rose’s absence from the team, the Bulls managed to make it to the 2013 NBA Playoffs, though they are getting off to a rocky start. They played in New York against the Brooklyn Nets Saturday (Apr 20) and lost, 106 to 89. The Bulls will play again in New York against the Nets tonight at 8 p.m.

Matthew Thompson should be happy the team has at least made it to the playoffs, and him getting fat and being depressed certainly isn’t Derrick Rose’s problem.

It isn’t known whether or not Peoria County, Illinois will take his ridiculous lawsuit seriously, but they definitely shouldn’t.

As the world plunges further into economic ruin, you would think that making fun of those that have nothing and are out on the street would be off limits. Not so for a certain group of sorority girls.

According to Jezebel, members of Indiana University’s Kappa Delta chapter recently threw a homeless-themed party (yes, you read that right) in which the girls reportedly pretended to be begging for food and even applied fake dirt to their faces … just so, you know, they could look more homeless.

If that’s not enough, they also wore signs around their necks that read things like ”Will Twerk 4 [indistinguishable]” and “Give me a nickel and I’ll tickle your pickle.” (Yup, they joked about someone being so hungry and desperate that they have had to resort to performing sex acts just so they can eat.)

The Indiana University student who provided Jezebel with the shocking photos had this to say:

Just so you know, Bloomington, IN (home of IU) has a disproportionately high homeless population. They’re typically the target of a lot of shit from students. They get treated pretty badly. It’s actually really sad—one of the places homeless people tend to hang out is right across from the most popular student bar in Bloomington, and on pretty much any given night, you can hear students loudly ridiculing the homeless population while they sip their drinks.

Students will be out canning for money for their big national philanthropies, but when a homeless person asks for a quarter, they’ll tell him or her to get a job. The greek system here does do a lot of philanthropic work, but homelessness, which is one of the biggest local problems we have, and a problem that the greek system has the opportunity to really help, is completely ignored.

[H/T: Jezebel]

In sad but true news, a frightening story about modeling scouts recruiting women being treated for eating disorders has emerged.

The Local is reporting that the Stockholm Center for Eating Disorders in Sweden has had to fend off modeling agency recruiters.

“We think this is repugnant. People have stood outside our clinic and tried to pick up our girls because they know they are very thin,” the facility’s chief doctor Anna-Maria was quoted as saying.

So let’s get this straight. Women who are going through an intense program so that they can learn that they don’t have to be super thin to be beautiful just so they can be approached by someone who tells them the exact opposite?

The Local adds:

The last incident took place a year ago, when the clinic was forced to change its procedures for the walks that its patients take. One of the patients who was approached by a scout was so ill she was sitting in a wheelchair at the time.

In one incident, an agent with one of Sweden’s largest modeling agencies approached a 14-year-old girl and left a business card.

Unfortunately, given the state of the fashion industry, this isn’t that surprising. Who could forget the jaw-dropping book that was released earlier this month that was written by a former Vogue Australia editor?

In the book, “The Vogue Factor,” Kristie Clements revealed that some models ate tissues and starved themselves for days to stay super slim.

So there you have it folks. If you want to gorge yourself on Kleenex and have someone think you look beautiful when you’re battling a dangerous illness, get into fashion. They want people like you NOW.

Image via Shutterstock

If you needed further proof that America is the land where stupid people can capitalize on their stupidity … here it is.

On Friday, Ryan Lochte (the man who makes Kris Humphries look semi-intelligent) appeared on Fox News’ “Good Day Philadelphia” to speak with Sheinelle Jones and Mike Jerrick about his E! reality show “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”

As expected, the Olympic swimmer had a problem stringing together sentences and was confused by simple questions.

“Is it bothering you, having the camera follow you around everywhere?” Jones asked.

“You know, I’m getting used to it,” Lochte replied. “The first couple days it was a little weird. I mean, I was brushing my teeth and the camera was there.”

“I thought the bathroom was off-limits!” Jones said.

“Well, I guess there’s like, uh, there’s like, uh, there’s like a mirror, with a sink,” Lochte said, “and then you’ve got the bathroom, so you’ve got to separate…”

After the interview, Jones and Jerrick laughed until she cried and we don’t blame her.

Watch the mess unfold below:

Moments like this remind us how true Seth MacFarlane’s “Saturday Night Live” interpretation of Lochte was.

Unfortunately for the Gold Medalist, his head-scratching stupidity had been poked fun of on numerous occasions prior to the skit.

In 2012, BuzzFeed compiled this lovely montage of the of some embarrassing interview statements the 28-year-old has made.

Ryan Lochte should probably just stop doing live interviews all together…

[H/T: Us Weekly, BuzzFeed, YouTube]