“Real Housewives of Atlanta” Recap: Mama Joyce Grills, Threatens Kandi’s Fiance Todd Over Dinner

Kandi’s mother, Mama Joyce, has always been a bit of an old coot. She’s sassy, rude and she tells it like it is. But now that she’s turned her dagger-like tongue on Todd, Kandi’s little-man fiance, it feels a bit like watching someone club a sweet baby seal.

It’s one thing for Mama Joyce to be protective of her daughter, but it’s quite another to throw CONSTANT hate and shade on everyone in her life.

In the past few episodes, we’ve heard Mama Joyce rant and complain about how she feels Todd is a broke opportunist who is only with Kandi for her money. In episode 6, however, we get another twist to Mama Joyce’s wacky imagination. She believes that Carmon, a longtime friend of Kandi’s, is behaving inappropriately with Todd. Supposedly, Carmon is having an affair with Todd, according to the voices in Mama Joyce’s head.

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While the inventive spelling of Carmon’s name might grate your nerves and her tired-lookin’ ombre hair might make you roll your eyes, she DOES keep it real with Kandi and let her know that her mother’s bad behavior continues only because Kandi refuses to check her. Yep, there it is.

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So Todd arrives back from his work trip and her randily grabs a handful of Kandi’s cakes. Gotdamn. Kandi’s got a Hostess Factory back there.

After that “intimate” greeting, Kandi sits Todd down to let him know that Mama Joyce is gunning for him. As expected, the poor little feller doesn’t take the news so well. Like Carmon, he too insists that Kandi should do more to stop her mother from terrorizing her fiance. Sounds like he and Carmon have probably had a conversation or two about this subject because they’re more in sync than Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Lance Bass, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick.

Todd proposes that Kandi invite Mama Joyce over for dinner so they can start to get on the right track. Mama Joyce begrudgingly agrees but I’m thinking she just wanted the free food because ol’ girl was NOT THERE to mend no fences.

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When Joyce showed up, she was more interested in talking with Kandi’s dog than she was in talking with Todd. And when she did start talking, she fired off shots like her middle name was Uzi. Mama Joyce went in on the ring Todd bought Kandi (it wasn’t expensive enough for an engagement ring, should’ve been a Christmas gift), accused him of being a golddigger (“Suppose y’all break up after 2 years of marriage. What’s your idea of fair?”) and threatened to be “in his ass” no matter the location or climate.

Oh, and she then asked him if the lights were cut off at the Kandi Factory, would he try to pay the utility bill with his so-called stability?

That’s grade-A shade right there.

If Hollywood producers (read: Tyler Perry) are looking to do a black version of the J.Lo and Jane Fonda movie, “Monster-in-Law”, I suggest they look into casting Mama Joyce for the lead role ASAP.

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Poor, Todd. No matter how good of a guy he is, if he ain’t got them deep pockets, Mama Joyce is never gonna be here for him.

Cynthia’s Daughter Has a Boyfriend

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So I guess Cynthia’s storyline has really and truly dried up this season because so far, we’ve witnessed her getting her fibroids removed and now we’re forced to watch as her 13-year-old daughter Noelle introduces her family to her first boyfriend, Arthur.

Cynthia acts completely befuddled by the entire ordeal so she heads out to the grocery store with NeNe to mull over this new development in her life.

Apparently, since NeNe became a “rich bitch” she hasn’t been to a grocery store because she asks like an extraterrestrial exploring Earth for the first time.

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NeNe marvels over the Hot Pockets and the 5 for $1 pizzas. And then she rudely samples the produce like she ain’t gotta pay for that stuff.

When Cynthia brings up the subject of Noelle’s boyfriend, NeNe puts on the hat of a traditional black woman and says, “HELL TO THE NAW!” to the idea of Noelle having a boyfriend. Cynthia asks NeNe how she’d react if Brent came to her and told her he liked a girl and NeNe quips that she’d tell him to go like his books.

That’s cute and all, but NeNe’s real-life track record at keeping her sons out of other people’s daughters legs is less than spotless, since her good-for-nothing 22-year-old son Bryson went and knocked up his 21-year-old girlfriend, producing her “glam baby” Bri’Asia.

So yeah, Cynthia should think twice before taking parenting advice on this issue from NeNe.

Fast forward to Cynthia’s house and the big encounter finally happens. Arthur, Noelle’s so-called beau, shows up at the house with his mother in tow. Aw, damn. That ain’t no way to establish yo’ swag, son.

Truth be told, Arthur looks like a nice, geeky kid. I think his balls just dropped, to be honest. He certainly ain’t no rebel without a cause like Chris Brown, that’s for sure.

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But if Cynthia is gonna let this boyfriend-girlfriend carry on, she better put her daughter Noelle on some birth control. These kids will go from 0-60 mph in the blink of an eye.

Phaedra’s Quest for Mortuary Science Greatness

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I don’t know why the producers at Bravo continue to let Phaedra continue with this funeral business story line. It is not appealing, it is not entertaining and it is not endearing. Make it stop.

We like it when Phaedra is shading supremely and crafting wiley schemes to put her frienemies in awkward positions. Not sitting in some non-descript community center in Alabama cramming for an exam on mortuary science.

The one Phaedra-related highlight of the episode was her rude-as-hell shutdown of her husband Apollo before she headed out to Alabama for her study group session.

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Poor Apollo got his wig snatched by Phaedra when he went to wish her farewell on her trip. He opened the car door and Phaedra turned to him calmly and said, “You know I’m not speaking to you.”

It was petty, nasty and rude, but so Phaedra. I’m not sure Apollo found it so amusing though. He’s been knocked around like a punching bag this season.