Forget deadly cab drivers, crazy people on the subway, and falling cranes. The Big Apple now has horrifying fish! As if New Yorkers didn’t already have to face 1,000 possible ways to be freaked out during any given day.
NBC NY is reporting that environmental officials will search a Central Park lake this week because it is believed that the snakehead fish, native to China, North Korea and Russia, may be lurking in a man-made marsh.
Signs around the Harlem Meer warn that anyone who sees the fish, nicknamed Fishzilla, should “secure” it and “keep it in a secure container until it is picked up by officials.”
Sorry, but only a crazy person would “secure” one of these things and put it into a giant container. Honestly, the best thing to do would be to KILL IT WITH FIRE. IMMEDIATELY.
But anyway, here are five reasons to avoid what seems like something out of a B horror movie.
1. They can survive on land for days (DAYS!) because they BREATHE FREAKIN’ AIR (LIKE LAND ANIMALS!)
Thought that fish only lived under water? Well apparently you’ve been misled your whole life, and you should hold every science teacher that has been in your life accountable. The snakehead fish can live out of water for up to four days. Can you say “yikes?”
2. Their slimy little fish bodies can crawl
That’s right, these creepy creatures — who can grow up to three feet long — can use their fins to slither on land and get to water. Oh yeah, and they climb trees too. Are you scared yet? No? Well, you should be.
3. They look like this
4. This National Geographic video of them exists
5. And, did we mention that they LOOK LIKE THIS?!?
Anything that has been dubbed “Frankenfish” simply can’t be good. But in all fairness, there have been no ACTUAL sightings of this thing … yet (at least from people who aren’t looking for them).
Honestly, this could be one of the many ways the media scares the hell out of people. Still, these things are pretty damn freaky!