What does a 40-something, single, childless woman do when she’s on the precipice of marriage but can’t seem to drag her begrudging groom across the finish line? She freaks out, breaks down and shows out.
Kenya Moore has been clubbing Walter over the head from day 1 of season 5 with her talk of marriage, babies and happily ever after.
Walter has done nothing in response but take a sip of his drink, sweat a little and grunt. None of this has deterred Kenya’s enthusiasm in the least and she was fully expecting that Walter’s “we’ll see what happens during these three days” reply under duress meant that she really was about to become a Mrs.
The memo didn’t reach Walter, however, and Kenya was EMBARRASSED when Walter announced that he had no intentions of proposing to Kenya on this trip to Anguilla in front of all her castmates while they were at the final dinner of their trip.
Here’s the thing. Kenya likes to read the other ladies of RHOA but she can’t read Walter worth a damn. Walter was NOT into Kenya at all. AT ALL.
When someone pointed out that he and Kenya were wearing matching colors, Walter made a face of disgust and muttered, “That wasn’t planned.”
You would’ve thought they said he looked like Craig Mack given his level of repulsion. We weren’t ready for that level of “bitch please” at all.
While this is all great TV, the mystery behind Walter’s hesitation has already been solved, because Walter admitted in a radio interview that Kenya asked him to act like they were boyfriend and girlfriend.
Think of that what you will, but Jesus, if Walter is going to sign up to play the part, he could at least TRY to make it look like he actually likes her. Instead, time and time again, Walter is distant, removed and uninterested in Kenya.
When the couples go in for a kiss at the dinner table, Walter can’t even be BOTHERED to land a peck on Kenya’s lips. He instead opts to kiss her cheek.
Now we know that Walter said he’s not gay, but his utter aversion to any kind of affection between he and Kenya has us asking questions.
Even if you don’t LOVE the girl, Kenya Moore has a body that pretty much any man would be happy to bed and feel on. But Walter acts like she’s made of kryptonite.
So after Walter leaves Kenya hanging in front of everybody, Kenya announces that she’s lost her appetite and she bolts from the table so she can sob.
Kenya be doin’ the most and she stays walking away from a dinner table. We think she’s done it about 3 times on this trip alone.
Walter goes after her and tries to talk to her but he quickly gets PISSED OFF and lets Kenya know that he will not be pressured or coerced into marrying anyone. Not even her. Kenya is taken aback by Walter’s aggression and she shoos him off and runs out into the woods to weep alone.
Phaedra eventually makes her way over to check on Kenya and she tries her best to console the former beauty pageant queen by saying that husbands are more trouble than they’re worth and that anyone with a penis is crazy.
Right. We guess Phaedra was willing to say anything to make Kenya feel good but we definitely think the women of RHOA have proven on this trip alone that vaginas have the market cornered on crazy.
Kandi and NeNe Clear the Air
Now that Kim is out of the picture, NeNe is feeling like a brand-new bitch. In fact, she’s clearly taking a leadership position among the cast to be honest, she’s earned it.
Nene Leakes is without a doubt the Big Bird of the RHOA. And she’s got the canary yellow hair to prove it too.
So NeNe decided to pay Kandi a visit for two reasons: First, she wanted to be messy and fill Kandi in on the epic cat fight that went down between Porsha and Kenya. NeNe and Kandi giggled and “oh, girl”‘d for a bit and then NeNe got down to business.
Never one to pull punches, NeNe asked Kandi straight up, “Why come we don’t get along?”
Kandi tried to say that it’s because she feels like she and NeNe have always been in competition and that she’d never really felt any genuine kind of appreciation from NeNe. Nene pretty much reciprocates and says that she too feels like Kandi hasn’t given her the props that she deserves.
Neither one of their perceptions are entirely rooted in reality because they’ve both shaded and congratulated each other several times. But in the interest of peace they basically “you go, girl” each other, hug it out and settle their differences. For now.
With Kim out of the picture, it’ll be a lot easier for NeNe and Kandi to build a real connection.
NeNe’s on a Horse
NeNe Leakes is a large woman. She’s tall and she’s nobody’s size 0. But that didn’t stop her getting on top of a horse while she was out in Anguilla for one of those picturesque horse rides on the beach that every travel agent shows couples when they try to book them for Caribbean getaways.
To the horse’s credit, it showed no fear in the face of such danger. As NeNe mounted the horse, it braced and readjusted itself to bear the additional weight. In all honesty, we think a Guinness World Record might’ve been broken, because we’ve never seen a moose mount a horse.
You’d think that the horse would be begging for mercy with NeNe riding on its back, but instead, NeNe is the first to cry uncle and she dismounts from the horse after taking about 5 steps.
In the confessional NeNe explains that riding the beast made her nervous.
“I’ve ride[sic] some horses in my lifetime, they just didn’t have four legs. Ha ha! Ok!” NeNe said with a few snaps thrown in for good measure.
It’s sass like this that makes NeNe the queen of the pack.
Kenya Moore vs. the World
Kenya has 99 issues and mental health is just one. Kenya Moore is a troublemaker, to say the least.
The beginning of the episode picks up with her spat with Porsha. If you’ll recall, Kenya was sent over the edge when Porsha called her old.
That sent Kenya’s mad mind racing and she started running around twirling in her dress talking about she’s 40 and fabulous.
In a rare moment of camaraderie, Cynthia concedes that she felt some kind of way about Porsha’s ageist digs since she, Cynthia, is close to Kenya’s age.
Oops! New girl Porsha better watch herself. She’s a young chick in a crew of old hens. And old hens most definitely will stick together.
Kenya later TRIED to apologize for the fight, but it was unsuccessful because Porsha kept trying to interrupt Kenya’s speech.
Why won’t Porsha just shut up and let Kenya finish her rant instead of constantly trying to interrupt ol’ girl?
That strategy hasn’t paid off for her so far, and yet she tries and tries again to take OVER Kenya. Kenya is like Mt. Kilamanjaro. Ain’t nobody climbing over her without some effort.
But Kenya was UNNECESSARILY messy with Cynthia when the gang went out to the beach for a lunch on the ocean.
While everyone is making small talk and waiting for the food to arrive, Kenya starts in with one of her monologues about how appalled she was that Cynthia wasn’t up to date on her knowledge of black beauty queens.
She’s specifically citing the fact that Cynthia didn’t know if Kenya or Vanessa Williams was the first black woman to win a national beauty pageant crown.
So Kenya, being her messy self, reached out to Vanessa Williams to have her autograph a copy of her book, “You Have No Idea” specifically for Cynthia.
She then handed Cynthia the book smugly while everyone’s collective jaw dropped at the unmitigated shade.
Damn, Kenya be TRYING it.
Cynthia is nobody’s fool though, so she THANKED Kenya for the book and told her that she loves to read (get it) so she’s thankful for the gift.
Kenya and Cynthia later had a one-on-one conversation in which Cynthia confronted the beauty queen directly about her behavior at the Bailey Agency.
Kenya claimed that the girl who she insulted for her coochie crack showing actually emailed her afterward to thank her for her brutal honesty.
Cynthia countered that she received complaints from the models saying they’ve never been so humiliated.
Kenya gets defensive but Cynthia remains firm saying that Kenya’s behavior was inappropriate because it was HER event and not Kenya’s.
Kenya never really agrees with Cynthia’s conclusion. She just deflects the situation by throwing herself on the ground and pretending to bury herself and making a joke of the whole thing.
As crazy as this whole stunt is, it works because by the time she dusts the sand off, she and Cynthia are hugging it out and walking back arm in arm.
Don’t confuse crazy with stupid. Kenya knows what she’s doing.