The Onion: Donald Trump Announces He’s A Very Sad Man
Yes, Donald Trump is a very sad man. A very very sad man.
NEW YORK — In a blockbuster announcement today, Donald Trump announced that he is a very sad man who has nothing to live for other than drawing attention to himself.
“I’m a sad, pathetic human being and a complete waste of life,” said Trump, adding that he lives an empty existence, and that he is nothing more than a corporate shill, as well as a failed husband, father, and human being.
“I am the piece of shit you stepped in on your way to work. I am the vomit that hurls out of your mouth when you are sick. I want to kill myself very badly. Thank you.” Trump then slit his throat from ear to ear.
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