ABC’s “Nightline” aired a discussion panel with Steve Harvey, Sherri Shephard, Hill Harper and Jacque Reid on the topic: “Why Can’t A Success Black Woman Find A Man?” I want you guys to peep the video before I comment on it, and trust me, I’ve got a lot to say. Check out the video below:
Watching this panel discussion, for me, was almost cringe-worthy. Not because of what they were saying, because I’ve heard African-American female teenagers say this and I’ve had this discussion more than once, but I cringed at the fact that older, wiser, people were saying some of these comments which could be easily debunked. Hill Harper, twice, told two stories which immediately made Sherri Shephard look like a fool and I’m especially glad at his Obama story. This discussion will go on forever and ever because, honestly, I feel like the African-American population will never be satisfied. I think I’ve got the answer to this old age question that sparked this discussion. I feel that black women get frustrated when they see a black man with a white woman simply because they are threatened by the white woman. Yes, threatened. Now, let me tell you why.
First, I really don’t understand what the big deal is with a black man being with a white woman. I’ve dated both a black and white woman and who are you to tell me that one is right and one is wrong? Why do black women have such an issue with it? Nowhere in the Bible or in the law does it say a black man must date a black woman, does it? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…
It seems that it’s ONLY the black population who have a problem with it. If a black man dates a Hispanic, it all of a sudden turns to “oh, your baby will have good hair.” So all of a sudden it isn’t a problem? And why is it that a black woman can date a white man and they’re admired? The conversation again turns to “Ooooh! You got a white man? Giiiirrl can I get some of that? What kinda car he drive?” So let me get this straight? It’s NOT ok for a black man to date a black woman but when it’s vice versa? It’s perfectly fine?
Now I’ve heard all the reasons. Some say it’s because there aren’t enough black men already left. It’s either they’re gay, in jail, already married, or they have seven baby mamas. Well, we could say the same for you. These days in the black population, some girls don’t know if they’re straight or not. A quarter of ya’ll dress like guys, a lot of ya’ll are aggressive and quick to get in your man’s face yelling and wanting to hit him (I warn you, don’t! Remember what happened to Rihanna?).
And I know most of ya’ll go to sites like MediaT****** & WorldStarHipHop right? You’ve seen those women basically having sex (and oral sex) on the dance floor, don’t you? Need I say more? The woman could be already married also, and could have seven kids with seven different dads. Not to mention the girls these days who decide to look up to celebrities like Nicki Minaj and decide to dress like and be a “Barbie.” Out of all those twitpics of girls dressed up as “barbies,” how many were white? Don’t worry, I’ll wait… Besides, barbies are made for less than a dollar overseas and go for about $10. Sorry, men want real women, not a Barbie. There are PLENTY of good men out there but you just don’t want them. You want the “bad boy” and statistics prove it. Oh and riddle me this: why is it that when a black boy is growing up, going to school, he will be made fun of and called a “white boy” because he speaks “proper English.” So why do you have a problem with the “white boy” marrying a white girl? Hmm…
Moving on, like the man said in the video, you can not find the man of your dreams because you are looking for someone that simply does not exists. You set your standards so high that before the man even has a chance to reach it, you’ve already thrown him to the corner because he is “not good enough”. A lot of black women believe that they are better than black men because of, again, the stereotypes society has set. They will belittle black men to a point where they seem to have no value or respect for them anymore. And then you have the nerve to complain that you can’t find a good one? Why not get off your high horse for a second, take a glimpse at reality, and see that you will never find that man so it’s time to look elsewhere. How many times does the woman expect the man to buy this for her and buy that for her, and treat her to this and that? How many times have you heard your girlfriend say “if he’s not paying, it ain’t gonna work.” This is not a one-sided relationship and he is not expected to do every little thing your heart desires. Sorry, Superman doesn’t exists and even if he did, he’d still have a Kryptonite.
The next reason I’ve heard is the one I call the “Jill Scott Reason.” If you recall, Jill Scott said that her spirit winces when she sees a black man with a white woman. Jill’s reasoning for this goes back to the slave times of America. She recalls a time where the white woman would be placed on a pedestal while the black woman was beaten, raped, and overworked. “She was nothing and neither was our Black man.” She also goes on to reflect on the time when a Black man would be lynched, beaten, jailed, or shot to death for even looking at a White woman and during this, the black man and black woman struggled together and braved the pain together. So Jill doesn’t feel jealousy when she sees an interracial couple, she feels betrayed. Betrayed because after all that, the black man chose to date a white woman, leaving the black woman to “exert effeorts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of [them] end up doing this important work alone…”
So to all the black women who feel this way, my response is simple, and it may sound extremely mean, but: Get. Over. It. Now, I don’t mean that we should forget the pain and suffering our African brothers and sisters went through. Hell, I was born and raised in Africa. But why do we as an African American population continue to blame a lot of our problems on these things that occurred in the past? We will never get anywhere if we keep dwelling on the past. As a wise man (Albus Dumbledore form Harry Potter LOL!) once said, “It is not good to dwell on the past…and forget to live.” We will never amount to greatness if we keep giving excuses and using the past to define who are now and the decisions we make. If anything, it should motivate us! We have a Black President for crying out loud! It is 2010! I understand where Jill is coming from but to me, her reasoning is not legitimate. What happened to “love is blind?” If I love someone, should I simply kick them to the side because their ancestor whom they have never met or known made bad decisions? We can’t help the cards that life has dealt us…but we can make them better. Now, if a black man was dating a white supremacist, then you should be worried.
None of these reasons seem like valid reasons to me so I’ve come up with the conclusion that the black woman that feel threatened by an interracial couple (and not all of them do) only feel that way because they are threatened, which, to me, is a damn shame! The media over the years have portrayed white women to be “better” than you (and we’re not saying that they are) and I don’t think a lot of black women have gotten over it so they immediately give the white women an evil look when they see them with a black mine. Stereotypes and statistics will tell us that white women will have better jobs, better houses, better homes, better cars, etc. and black women feel threatened by that and are upset. My response? Get over it! It is 2010! Your First Lady is black! You need to either step up your game or keep walking around a bitter old woman. It’s as simple as that. Black women have so much potential that it pains me when I see it not being used. Not only are you amazing cooks but you have natural nurturing skills, so why wouldn’t a man want to have kids with you? Look around a college campus – there are more black females than black males, so obviously you are smart, so why wouldn’t a man want to have you as his wife and his partner? Not to mention that black women got some hands so we know you can hold your own. Black women are strong and beautiful women so maybe it’s time to start acting like it and stop making excuses and blaming your problems on black men and white women.
Stop getting pissed every time you see a black man with a white woman. They can love whoever they want and if you have a problem with it, then stop complaining about it and being bitter and get out there and make yourself available to one. You see that thing that the white woman has that you don’t have? Well maybe it’s time to hop on it and get it for yourself. And if you won’t, then you’re just going to have to get over it. Continue to walk around bitter and man-less. #kanyeshrugs
By: Kenni Nwajagu
Contributing Editor for Gossip On This