Why Can’t Successful Black Women Find Good Men?

Friday, April 23rd 2010 | Leave a Comment

ABC’s “Nightline” aired a discussion panel with Steve Harvey, Sherri Shephard, Hill Harper and Jacque Reid on the topic: “Why Can’t A Success Black Woman Find A Man?” I want you guys to peep the video before I comment on it, and trust me, I’ve got a lot to say. Check out the video below:

Watching this panel discussion, for me, was almost cringe-worthy. Not because of what they were saying, because I’ve heard African-American female teenagers say this and I’ve had this discussion more than once, but I cringed at the fact that older, wiser, people were saying some of these comments which could be easily debunked. Hill Harper, twice, told two stories which immediately made Sherri Shephard look like a fool and I’m especially glad at his Obama story. This discussion will go on forever and ever because, honestly, I feel like the African-American population will never be satisfied. I think I’ve got the answer to this old age question that sparked this discussion. I feel that black women get frustrated when they see a black man with a white woman simply because they are threatened by the white woman. Yes, threatened. Now, let me tell you why.

First, I really don’t understand what the big deal is with a black man being with a white woman. I’ve dated both a black and white woman and who are you to tell me that one is right and one is wrong? Why do black women have such an issue with it? Nowhere in the Bible or in the law does it say a black man must date a black woman, does it? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

It seems that it’s ONLY the black population who have a problem with it. If a black man dates a Hispanic, it all of a sudden turns to “oh, your baby will have good hair.” So all of a sudden it isn’t a problem? And why is it that a black woman can date a white man and they’re admired? The conversation again turns to “Ooooh! You got a white man? Giiiirrl can I get some of that? What kinda car he drive?” So let me get this straight? It’s NOT ok for a black man to date a black woman but when it’s vice versa? It’s perfectly fine?

Now I’ve heard all the reasons. Some say it’s because there aren’t enough black men already left. It’s either they’re gay, in jail, already married, or they have seven baby mamas. Well, we could say the same for you. These days in the black population, some girls don’t know if they’re straight or not. A quarter of ya’ll dress like guys, a lot of ya’ll are aggressive and quick to get in your man’s face yelling and wanting to hit him (I warn you, don’t! Remember what happened to Rihanna?).

And I know most of ya’ll go to sites like MediaT****** & WorldStarHipHop right? You’ve seen those women basically having sex (and oral sex) on the dance floor, don’t you? Need I say more? The woman could be already married also, and could have seven kids with seven different dads. Not to mention the girls these days who decide to look up to celebrities like Nicki Minaj and decide to dress like and be a “Barbie.” Out of all those twitpics of girls dressed up as “barbies,” how many were white? Don’t worry, I’ll wait… Besides, barbies are made for less than a dollar overseas and go for about $10. Sorry, men want real women, not a Barbie. There are PLENTY of good men out there but you just don’t want them. You want the “bad boy” and statistics prove it. Oh and riddle me this: why is it that when a black boy is growing up, going to school, he will be made fun of and called a “white boy” because he speaks “proper English.” So why do you have a problem with the “white boy” marrying a white girl? Hmm…

Moving on, like the man said in the video, you can not find the man of your dreams because you are looking for someone that simply does not exists. You set your standards so high that before the man even has a chance to reach it, you’ve already thrown him to the corner because he is “not good enough”. A lot of black women believe that they are better than black men because of, again, the stereotypes society has set. They will belittle black men to a point where they seem to have no value or respect for them anymore. And then you have the nerve to complain that you can’t find a good one? Why not get off your high horse for a second, take a glimpse at reality, and see that you will never find that man so it’s time to look elsewhere. How many times does the woman expect the man to buy this for her and buy that for her, and treat her to this and that? How many times have you heard your girlfriend say “if he’s not paying, it ain’t gonna work.” This is not a one-sided relationship and he is not expected to do every little thing your heart desires. Sorry, Superman doesn’t exists and even if he did, he’d still have a Kryptonite.

The next reason I’ve heard is the one I call the “Jill Scott Reason.” If you recall, Jill Scott said that her spirit winces when she sees a black man with a white woman. Jill’s reasoning for this goes back to the slave times of America. She recalls a time where the white woman would be placed on a pedestal while the black woman was beaten, raped, and overworked. “She was nothing and neither was our Black man.” She also goes on to reflect on the time when a Black man would be lynched, beaten, jailed, or shot to death for even looking at a White woman and during this, the black man and black woman struggled together and braved the pain together. So Jill doesn’t feel jealousy when she sees an interracial couple, she feels betrayed. Betrayed because after all that, the black man chose to date a white woman, leaving the black woman to “exert effeorts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of [them] end up doing this important work alone…”

So to all the black women who feel this way, my response is simple, and it may sound extremely mean, but: Get. Over. It. Now, I don’t mean that we should forget the pain and suffering our African brothers and sisters went through. Hell, I was born and raised in Africa. But why do we as an African American population continue to blame a lot of our problems on these things that occurred in the past? We will never get anywhere if we keep dwelling on the past. As a wise man (Albus Dumbledore form Harry Potter LOL!) once said, “It is not good to dwell on the past…and forget to live.” We will never amount to greatness if we keep giving excuses and using the past to define who are now and the decisions we make. If anything, it should motivate us! We have a Black President for crying out loud! It is 2010! I understand where Jill is coming from but to me, her reasoning is not legitimate. What happened to “love is blind?” If I love someone, should I simply kick them to the side because their ancestor whom they have never met or known made bad decisions? We can’t help the cards that life has dealt us…but we can make them better. Now, if a black man was dating a white supremacist, then you should be worried.

None of these reasons seem like valid reasons to me so I’ve come up with the conclusion that the black woman that feel threatened by an interracial couple (and not all of them do) only feel that way because they are threatened, which, to me, is a damn shame! The media over the years have portrayed white women to be “better” than you (and we’re not saying that they are) and I don’t think a lot of black women have gotten over it so they immediately give the white women an evil look when they see them with a black mine. Stereotypes and statistics will tell us that white women will have better jobs, better houses, better homes, better cars, etc. and black women feel threatened by that and are upset. My response? Get over it! It is 2010! Your First Lady is black! You need to either step up your game or keep walking around a bitter old woman. It’s as simple as that. Black women have so much potential that it pains me when I see it not being used. Not only are you amazing cooks but you have natural nurturing skills, so why wouldn’t a man want to have kids with you? Look around a college campus – there are more black females than black males, so obviously you are smart, so why wouldn’t a man want to have you as his wife and his partner? Not to mention that black women got some hands so we know you can hold your own. Black women are strong and beautiful women so maybe it’s time to start acting like it and stop making excuses and blaming your problems on black men and white women.

Stop getting pissed every time you see a black man with a white woman. They can love whoever they want and if you have a problem with it, then stop complaining about it and being bitter and get out there and make yourself available to one. You see that thing that the white woman has that you don’t have? Well maybe it’s time to hop on it and get it for yourself. And if you won’t, then you’re just going to have to get over it. Continue to walk around bitter and man-less. #kanyeshrugs

By: Kenni Nwajagu
Contributing Editor for Gossip On This
www.twitter.com/Kenni329

Filed: News & Gossip, Videos | Tags: , , ,

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  • Bill

    Wow. Simply, wow.

    It seems as though the author has not considered that perhaps he comes across as a bit, how do I say this nicely…

    BAT-SHIT CRAZY!!!

  • tjt

    Today people- men and women seem to be more into materialistic things and too busy trying to have their cake and eat it to.

    I just feel every1 needs to stop worrying about others – focus on you. Stop categorizing, stop nit picking etc.

    If people focused more on themselves and their career and success direction, more positive attributes would attract one another no matter what race etc.

  • Average Black Girl

    Even though you were born and raised in Africa and now live in America, you are NOT an authority on African American culture. If you do not have a direct lineage to African slaves in America, you have no idea about the socio-cultural paralysis that we endure(d) as a result of the American caste system (Jim Crow) that was the direct result of loathsome slavery. How dare you say “get over it”! How many of YOUR ancestors endured rape, lynchings, imprisonment, familial schism (and on a good day), casual disrespect because of “racial inferiority”? It’s not my business when anyone dates outside his race. However if I refused to ever date within my race, I believe that it would be time to reexamine my self awareness. I really wish that int the future, you would investigate your topic before writing so blindly.

  • http://gossiponthis.com Kenni

    @Average Black Girl: I apologize that it came across that I meant “get over” the abuse that African-American’s endured because that is definitely not the way it was meant what so ever. I meant that today, we have accomplished so much and even put a black man in office so we can not continue to dwell on the past. To blame the past on why someone can not date outside of one’s race is, to me, just plain wrong. Why dwell on the past? We as a population need to move on and stop using it as an excuse and move on from it. Grow from it and use it as a positive. Use it as a drive to make you better or achieve more. We continue to dwell on the past when there are so many things we can look forward to and people to look up to. I have indeed investigated this topic, though you do not think so. A lot of opinions expressed here are things I have PERSONALLY heard and, as you can see in the video, people believe. They are not just opinions I made up, which is why I went one by one, pointing out the ones I’ve heard people say, and then proceeding to give my opinion on why I do not think it is a good enough reason. So writing blindly is the last thing I have done, to be honest.

  • http://gossiponthis.com Kenni

    @Average Black Girl: And also, I don’t understand why people of this generation need to use the past an excuse. I understand that it’s had a great effect on the African-American society – I even just had an argument about it the other day. But, us continuing to use it as an excuse makes no sense to me. ESPECIALLY when our generation did not endure this hate. So why is it US that constantly use it to define our decisions. If anything, it should be those that were somehow, affected by it. But the ancestry is so far back that no matter how much we read it about it or talk about it, we will never really know what it felt like because we aren’t connected to it in that way. And that is the truth, no matter how much one may deny it. We need to STOP using it an excuse and embrace the present. Why should you (not you directly) be upset when you see a black man and white woman because of what happened during slavery times? If it was someone who endured slavery being upset, it would be much more understandable. Love should not be defined by the color of our skin. That, in itself, is another form of racism. Why are we still trying to keep it alive?

  • A Fan

    I actually agree with Kenni. Maybe it was a little harsh, but he was right about a lot of things. I’m a BW and I get sick of other BW whining about BM/WW and how mad it makes them. Maybe if these complaining BW didn’t have such a narrow view of what a man should be–not just finding a BM or a WM, but just finding a “GOOD” man regardless of what they have.

  • Stacia24

    I agree completely with ‘average black girl’, and your right Kenni you don’t understand. And there is a good chance that you may never understand. No we shouldn’t be held back by the past but we must know and understand our past. We must not forget it or we shall make the same mistakes to come. I found your outlandish tell-off that was specifically aimed at black women to be completely out of line. But hey that’s your opinion, and this is mine.

  • http://gossiponthis.com Kenni

    @Stacia24: I completely agree when you say we shouldn’t be held back, but understand our past. I have no problem with that. But I do have a problem when we let it hold us back and use it as constant excuses.

    Regarding your last comment, I really don’t have much to say except that this wasn’t really PC, was it? Lol. I’ve been told lol. But I wasn’t telling off black women. Not at all. If anything, I was trying to make them see that they are worth a lot more than SOME of them think they are. I tried to build them up, if anything. Yes, a lot of it was harsh, and not PC, but then again, I’ve never been PC.

    I really appreciate your comments though. :)

  • Ann Jennings

    Why is it that white women can go after all the professional black men, who are making millions of dollars, and she is not considered a gold digger, but when black women who are successful, look for a successful black man, she is considered a gold digger. She is looking for a fairy tale type of man. There are quite a few men who are successful who won’t look at a black woman once, let alone, twice.

  • lovelyunosweetz

    I’m going to say this as nicely as possible so I can get my point across with out sounding like a bitch…You may be an “African-American” in the truest sense considering you grew up in Africa and moved here, however your “African-American” experience will ALWAYS be different from mine. Your agruement is that it didn’t happen in our generation and it was so MANY generations ago…however to a degree that it false. Yes slavery have been over for more than 200 years, but the aftermath of the Jim Crow laws still linger and are very heavy on some people’s hearts. My MOTHER AND FATHER grew up the “Jim Crow” south and some of the stories they could tell would make your stomach churn. I’ve cried over some of the stories I heard; of not being able to go to school with white kids, or not being about to take the bus to school so she had to walk for miles, or better yet not being able to use the same water foundation and the one she could use was a pipe coming out of the ground that WHITE people let their dogs drink from. I also grew up in the south until the age of 12 in THIS GENERATION and still witness racism…hell even when I lived in PA I witnessed it. Honestly more there than I did in the south but that’s another story…

    I’m not jealous, I’m not threatened, and I damn sure ain’t envious of white women. I date outside my race because I believe love is blind. I have a problem with men that date exclusively outside their race and their only sole reasoning is based on societal conditioning we as “African-Americans” have face. We have been conditioned to believe that “SUZY” is prettier than us because her hair is nicer, her skin is fair, she is smarter than us, submissive, and is taught to be Betty Homemaker. We get labeled as loud, ignorant, aggrasive, nappy head hoes that are in no way any better than “SUZY”. I’m sure no one ever told you that you were pretty for dark skin girl, your beautiful even though your dark…my favorite…your not as ghetto or trashy as some black girl you talk like a white girl…wtf?! I hated hearing that, I still hate hearing THAT!…it’s as if it’s impossible for me to be as beautiful and as smart as “SUZY” because of the color of my skin…

    Don’t get me wrong I don’t dwell because I’m moving forward I’m a college student double majoring, single mother og a beautiful 2 year son, owner of a small business, 22 years old, with a car, rent, and all the responsiblities that come with being an adult and I don’t blame anyone or think anyone is holding me back…but to tell me to GET OVER IT…BABY BYE!! That stuff is deeply rooted in me and it’s what pushes me forward. You are going to have to use a different reason sweetie…

  • http://gossiponthis.com Kenni

    @lovelyunosweetz: Lol I actually agree with a lot of what you said. My experience will be different than yours and will be different than a lot of peoples. Everyone’s experience differs. But like someone said up there, they think that because I grew up in Africa, I didn’t experience the effect it had. That is false. Just because it’s not written in the history books, do not think that the white man just came, got slaves, and left. No. Africa was colonized, Nigeria, where I grew up in, was colonized by the white man and things may be different there today if it wasn’t. But back to what you were saying, your experience is completely different than mine and I think it’s great that you have the experience you have because not everyone can share in that. But not everyone in our generation can have the same experience that you had. In fact, a lot don’t.

    With your second paragraph, again, I agree! These are all stereotypes, which I said above, that we have been presented with our whole lives. I can’t talk proper because I’m black and when I do, i’m “acting white”. I’ve been called a “white boy in a black boy’s body” all my life. My favorite is that people say I don’t look “African”. What does that mean? How am I supposed to look? Because I’m “lighter” than what people think African’s are supposed to be? These are all things that we need to move on from because they are simply untrue. You can be black, beautiful, speak proper, etc. and you don’t have to be compared to anyone. That’s where we need to get to. I COMPLETELY agree with you!

    I’m sorry about the things you had to witness but I am glad you are moving on from it, like you said. I’m glad that it pushes you forward. But I think everyone is mistaking what I mean by “get over it”. I don’t mean “don’t act like it never happened”. I mean let’s move on from it…let’s get OVER that bridge and use it to push us forward. Let’s not continue to dwell there. I don’t mean “oh please honey get over it it happened so long ago”. Yes, I do say that it’s 2010…but to me, that’s all the more reason why we should try to cross that bridge and like you are doing, use it to push you forward.

    I hope that last part makes more sense now and I hope you can see that we actually agree on a lot! I don’t understand why some can’t see that I’m not putting down African-Americans, black women, or anyone for that matter. Yes, the article is harsh and not PC, but I kept it honest because these things do happen. Everything I wrote in that article, I have heard.

  • lovelyunosweetz

    @KENNI: I think if you would have stated “don’t act like it never happened but let’s move forward” I would have gotten your message a little clearer. You’re right we agree on a lot but considering the article was some what harsh I missed it because it put me on the defense (and I’m a big enough girl to admit it). I think there are so many factors as to why black women and black men can’t get it together that until we look at ourself one by one we will never get it.

  • NTX

    No offense to anyone, but…….. Why is it that the black woman always has to be the one to step up and change to “get” the black man. Every time I hear this conversation I notice the black woman is the one to blame for most everything like she is the one that caused this and keeps it going. We all know it takes 2 to “tango”. Why does she (the black woman) have to work so hard to get a man of her own race to see her value? Why does she have to compete with these other women for her own man? I see this as a problem. I agree and disagree with many things here but am surprised no one mentioned that one. Why cant it be that the black man needs to step back and work just as hard to be with his African/black woman and not be so quick to turn his back on her? He needs to see her beauty and stop judging her more than he would anyone else. Black men judge their own women alot harsher than they would a white woman or any other woman. I’ve seen it myself too many times. They hold black women to a different higher standard and fault her if she fails as if she needs to be perfect and use that as an excuse to dismiss her and all other black women over something minor. whereas if a white woman or lighter skinned woman made the same mistake it would be overlooked and no big deal, easily forgiven. Why not be understanding and supportive of your woman as well? How about that?!!! You dont want a woman to be bitter but dammit put her shoes on for just one week, nah just one day, and see if you are not bitter by the end of the day. When you have everyone beating you up left and right everywhere yes it does get difficult. Not complaining just telling the truth. I personally dont mind a struggle but dont get mad at me when I dont look top notch after coming out of a war… meaning it’s a battle everyday trying to be true to yourself and still find a good man without being condemened or looked down upon from your man, society, even in the workplace. All those daily battles together can produce great stress on a woman or on anyone for that matter and it is a battle/war she deals with daily. And instead of these women’s men (black men) supporting them, they turn their backs on them, leaving them to come home to “nothing” (look beyond on the obvious, read between the line to see the true message). It seems like with society, whom already portrays white women and “better” and the epitome of beauty and black men turning their backs on their own woman exclusively for these white women which in turn on reinforces what society is teaching, only sets black women (or women of color) for failure. You just cant win. Even if you open up, your guy will most likely not want you because of the same ideas/stereotypes black men have about their own women (they are bitchy, too forceful, rude, etc etc). Yes no one mentioned that either. everyone is so focused on blaming the women and not focusing on how both parties (black men and women) play a role. It’s a cycle that needs to be stopped and both perties need to be willing to start fresh and new, letting go of any negative ideas they have of one another. Just a thought.

  • chols

    How would you feel if I said your sole reason for feeling the way you do is because your from Africa and your used to women being submissive? That would be stereotypical huh? Straight no chaser- you’r an ASS.
    What succesful balck men don’t realize is that if they were broke, these white women wouldn’t give them the time of day. And I know that there are white women out there married to black men with no job or low paying job, but I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about men such as the ones in the NBA or any other high paying position. They want trophys not life mates and thats the sad part. Black women have always tried to hold it down when their men couldn’t. We have accepted black men baggage and all, standing beside them while they struggled. But that doesn’t seem good enough. I personally don’t care if a black man dates a white woman. I feel any black man who chooses to date outside his race isn’t worth having. (Tiger Tiger Woods Yall.)

  • NuPerspectives

    Kenni,
    Even beautiful, well-educated African American women are finding it difficult to find viable, eligible black men to date and marry. One of the problems is that black men like you who, while using a defensive stance for your behavior and preference (clearly white women), begin to back pedal an inch or two when challenged… in word but rarely in deed. The other problem is people like Hill Harper who cite statistics to disprove that a disproportionate number of black men from all walks of life are in relationships with women of every race except black. He said on the show you cited that only six percent of black men are in interracial relationships – this is enumerated data and he knows it. Of course, when you take ALL black men in relationships, you include those from 12 – 100 years old. The prevalence and acceptance of interracial relationships have proliferated over the past 25 – 30 years… starting slowly and increasing in an exponential fashion ever sense. Therefore, his statistics are skewed. Secondly, perhaps it is not your fault that you and others like you reject the beauty and character of your mothers, sisters, aunts, etc. as well as your daughters who will inevitably join the ranks of black women (thanks to your DNA) who occupy the bottom of the proverbial totem pole. It is also significant to acknowledge that the occurrence of African American women to have some opportunities to date and/or marry an African American man of prominence, education, intelligence, ambition, etc. (i.e. the type of husband ALL women wish to have), is directly proportional to how closely she mirrors the European (white) beauty standard; therefore, your biracial daughters do have an advantage on the daughters who look like you. However, to get to my point about “fault.” There is no doubt that African American men are bombarded from birth with the white beauty standard. From birth, they are used to market everything from diapers and Gerber’s food to Depends as they age out. They are like air — everywhere as the beauty standard. You know you want some of that from the first blond curl that is smoothed back by the little girl at the desk in front of you. I cannot tell you how many of my friends with boys find that they have rejected little black girls by the time they are 4-years old. They come by the preference honestly- they are the victims of “white beauty sensory overload” and commercial saturation. And, Kenni, so are you. As an African America woman, if I did not know better from my friends and family, I would believe that all black women are loud, sorely overweight, never exercise, cannot conjure up agreement between plural and singular and noun and verb to save their lives, and cannot speak a straight sentence without an unpleasant facial expression. We have been maligned, misrepresented, characterized, stereotyped, and undervalued as much by the media and black men as white women have been idealized and placed upon a pedestal. As an African man and as other African Americans must know black men are the only race that, as a rule, denigrated your women. Every black comedian has made his career making fun of black women and holding them up to ridicule, starting with Red Foxx (“Esther, you so ugly…”, Richard Pryor (“When white women make love, they sound like…, when black women make love [exaggerated motions and comments follow], then he launched into Ms. Rudolph , all while married to a white woman, Tyler Perry, “Is he bankrolling an obese woman farm to raise the women he hires to represent us?), and so forth. Do we have a black comedian who has not made fun of black women by dressing up as an exaggeratedly unattractive, purse flagging, high butt, grossly overweight, wig wearing black woman… I think not see Eddie Murphy, Flip Wilson, Martin Lawrence, Tyler Perry, Garrick Morris, and the list goes on. Truly, the very men who reject us and say “Get over it “(And there is no back-pedaling – you said it and you meant it, you can’t unring the bell) are the very ones who fail to acknowledge the extent of their own brainwashing. I have never heard a white, Latino, Asian (yes, there are some), or any other nationality or race of men denigrate their women like black me. You are truly pathetic, have the balls to say, “All my life I have looked at them, admired them, lusted after them, seen them everywhere I look as the epitome of beauty and success, and I want my own!” We can’t make you want to date or marry us, we couldn’t anyway; those like you are just too far gone. But, at least be honest and don’t try to intellectualize, acculturate, or socialize this phenomenon as a beast that black women created by their shortcomings and refuse to accept…come out the cloud of self-deception. Also, the reason more black women do not date or marry white men (or other races) is because they have been subject to the same marketing and acculturation as you and other black men. We must give white men credit, in the 1950′s they predicted many catastrophic consequences of integration; one of which was if they go to school together, they will want to date our women ( you see, unlike black men, they held, and hold, their women in high esteem [and only you could fail to see the historical implications of that]). You know what, all those redneck bigots were right; it was the beginning of the making of you and those like you. God played a cruel trick on black women, he gave us black men.

    Read more: http://gossiponthis.com/2010/04/23/why-cant-successful-black-women-find-good-men/#ixzz0mJdaQslV

  • truthbtold

    @NuPerspectives:
    That was insightful and true!!! As a black woman, I gasped at the fact that someone finally summed it up how it really is. You are so right, men like Kenni are lost, yet they wonder why so many black women are single. We don’t want to be with men who believe in these ideals about black women versus white. I would never marry or date a black men with Kenni’s mindset, because regardless of how society think I am “suppose” to feel, I am second rate to no one. I held out to find to find the right man for me, who doesn’t fall for all that white superiority mess. And I get frustrated when people say that black women have high standards when it comes to dating. I have never seen anyone complain about the high standards of white women. Black men will complain if a black woman is educated or not educated, no matter if she is successful or no, he will find something wrong with her because the underlying factor is that she has dark black skin. But a white woman on the other had, there are no credentials. A white woman can pretty much get a black man because they are so intrigued because she is white. It seems black men like black women being treated like this because it strokes his ego in a way.

  • Brian Bivens

    In the end race should not matter but………THERE ARE BLACK MEN THAT PREFERRED BLACK WOMEN But for a A BLACK Man to get that woman he had to be A BAD BOY or a STEREO TYPE.
    If the black man has an EDUCATION HE’S CALLED BOURGEOISE. If the Black man is a “regular JOE” but he wants to DO RIGHT HE STILL IS LOOKED DOWN ON. YES BLACK MEN HAVE MADE MISTAKES TRUE. BUT BLACK WOMEN NEVER BRAKE RANKS AND NEVER WANT TO ADMIT TO THE HEART ACHES THEY HAVE COST. THEY WANT MONEY AND POWER AND CONTROL THEY WANNA PLAY GOD. THEY CAN BE STRONG. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MAN? IF THEY HAVE A SON HOW WILL THEY TREAT HIM? LIKE A DEVIL?

  • Danny

    I’m a black man from England, and I’ve read some absolutely riddiculous reasoning for why a black women can’t find a good black man or just a man in general and why they frown or feel threatened , when they see a black man with a White woman !!

    The bottom line and this is goes for all races of men is life is short and no man wants to be alone !! If a man is rejected by a woman he desires, he gonna keep trying until he connects with a woman who is willing to take him onboard !! Whether she black, White or Asian etc.

    He would be a fool to stick to just one race of woman to find happiness just to be politcally correct to his own race. There is good and bad in all races, but regardless of this I urge any man to find happiness with any race of woman you can connect with and find happiness and just ignore other people and their ignorant stereotypical attitudes because if you are stupid enough to take them onboard !! You will end up alone !! Let the ignorant,stereotypical, closet racists and the people who dwell on past historical attrocities remain alone and focus on your future happiness whatever race of woman you find happiness with and live your life – I’d give the same advice to any black woman who seriously wants to find happiness with no pre conditions of what race her man is !!

    Why are we still having discussions like this in 2010 ?? Didn’t God create mankind ??

  • AARON C. WARREN

    WITH ALL DO RESPECT TO ALL…..1ST OF ALL IM KIND OF TIRED OF HEARING THE PHRASE “AFRICAN AMERICAN” WHEN A PERSON TALKS ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE AND WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE ITS JUST WHITE NO NO FOR THOSE THAT ARE WHITE YALL ARE EUROPEAN AMERICANS SO IF MY ANCESTORS ARE FROM AFRICA YALLS ARE FROM EUROPE SO LETS ESTABLISH THAT NOW…2ND AS PEOPLE NOT JUST BLACKS OR WHITES WE NEED TO STOP HAVING THESE KIDS OUT OF WED LOCK MEANING GET MARRIED AND THEN HAVE KIDS IT SEEMS MOST PEOPLE WANT LOVE BUT WANT THE MOMENTARY KIND AND THATS SEX AND MOSTLY FOR WOMEN I HATE WHEN MOST GET WITH A GUY THEN HAVE KIDS BY THE MAN SUDDENLY THINGS CHANGE LIKE HE S BEEN A COMMON CRIMINAL SINCE BIRTH AND WANTS TO DOWN THE DUDE AS IF YOU SHOULD OF KNOWN THAT BEFORE YOU GAP D YOUR LEGS OPEN ALL IM SAYING IS GET TO KNOW THE MAN BEFORE YOU LAY WITH HIM BECAUSE FOR MOST GUYS YOU KNOW ALL HE S THINKING IS SEX ESPECIALLY NOWADAYS AND FOR MOST MEN STOP THINKING YOU SOME TYPE OF GANGSTER OR DRUG DEALER TRUE I DONT KNOW A PERSON S SITUATION BUT I BET NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN MOST GUYS DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ BUT CAN PICK UP A GUN SLANG SOME DOPE OR GO AROUND BRAGGING HE GOT THE BIGGEST YOU KNOW WHAT … SO WHAT WHO CARES WHY DONT YALL GO AROUND BRAGGING HEY I GOT A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA OR I GOT MY ASSOCIATES DEGREE BUT NOPE MOST WANT TO TAKE A EASY WAY OUT CAUSE WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT -ITS JUST BEING LAZY I MEAN IN TODAYS SOCIETY I BLAME THE PARENTS ITS KIDS HAVING KIDS OR MEN LEAVING THESE WOMEN TO RAISE THESE BABIES AND AS PEOPLE NOT BLACK OR WHITE OR GREEN OR BROWN STEP UP AND LETS TAKE CARE OF OUR RESPONSIBILITY I MEAN WHY MOST PEOPLE MAY THINK ITS MORE SO BLACKS ITS BECAUSE OF THE MEDIA WHATEVER THEY PUT OUT AUTOMATICALLY PEOPLE GONNA BELIEVE JUST LIKE MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE JFK GOT SHOT BY ONE MAN OR 19 HIGH JACKERS TOOK DOWN THE TRADE CENTERS….LETS GET REAL BUT HEY WHATEVER HELP PEOPLE SLEEP AT NIGHT BUT ALL IM SAYING IS THIS….JUST LIKE IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE JESUS IS COMING BACK AND ITS EITHER HEAVEN OR HELL PERIOD AINT NO IN BETWEEN OR JESUS WE LL UNDERSTAND WHEN HE CATCH ME IN THE ACT OF SINNING NO THE TIME IS NOW THATS WHY SATAN IS WORKING TRIPLE OVER TIME NOW TO GET PEOPLE TO BELIEVE HE DOESNT EXIST AND JUST WANT US TO JUST GO THRUOUT LIFE LIKE OH WELL SO AS PEOPLE LETS PUT AWAY THESE GUNS AND PICK UP SOME BOOKS STOP HAVING THESE KIDS OUT OF WED LOCK ON TOP OF THAT STOP HAVING SEX UNTIL MARRIED STOP THINKING WE CANT BE TOUCHED BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT WE ALL GONNA DIE GUARANTEED AND START HELPING EACH OTHER I MEAN IF THEIR IS A PROBLEM LETS ALL FIND OUT WHAT IT IS AND GET IT CORRECTED OH BUT SINCE NOBODYS LISTENING I GUESS THIS HERE IS JUST ANOTHER WAIST OF TIME RIGHT BECAUSE WE WANT SEX ALCOHOL DRUGS AN MONEY OH YEAH I FORGOT WE HUMANS……………….SORRRY

  • Ms.Classy

    -Kenni
    I have to respect this as your opinion, although I agree with some of your points…this was a poor delivery and I think your ill-informed concerning the reality of black women.

    I agree with the fact that we shouldn’t hate interracial relationships. I believe you were trying to say that we shouldn’t be hindered from historical events, but that our ancestors would want us to be strengthend and victorious or else their labor/suffering would be in vain.

    I am a 25 year old straight A college student, no children, single, saved, and I can say in ALL honesty a good black man is hard to find. I think a good man should be faithful, love God, love me, be compatible, have goals…education/trade/business owner…thats minimum and I don’t think to much to require of the “king of my llife”. Maybe our standard is not too high…maybe yours is too low. (general statement) It’s no secret that black women are constantly degraded…just listen to hiphop. Alot of black women are single mothers, independent, going to school, paying the bills, and would love to have a good black man by their side to help lift the burden. There are some good black men…but we don’t have alot of options. Good women are forced to stay single/become victim to their emotional needs and settle.

    I’m not throwing ALL blame on men because women are most certainly NOT perfect, but I always hear about how the black women are coming short…I NEVER hear men acknowledge the reality of their shortcomings as a whole. Alot of these young men are fake little Waynes, out in the streets gang banging, selling drugs, no job having…headed straight to jail or the grave. Most of them want to be players, its cool for men to be whores…but its disgusting and looked down upon for a women. Alot of women want to get married, be faithful, love their man, etc. By your own admission we are becoming more educated and NO we are not threatned by white women…BUT WHAT MORE CAN WE DO TO BE LOVED AND TREATED LIKE THE QUEENS WE ARE!?! I don’t want a gangster, I don’t want a cheater, I don’t want to be abused and thats All I see around me, in the music, on tv, the radio, etc I’ve done everything I can possibly do to be a good women, yet I’m single…and so I shall remain until a real King comes because I refuse to lower my standard…my ancestors shed blood, I would imagine them saying ” Be strong, hold to your standard,don’t settle because you are a QUEEN and the QUEEN cannot lie with dogs.” LOL

    You’ll find women who degrade themselves, make poor decisions, baby mamma’s, cheaters etc…but lets face it…men are more likely to go to jail, more likely praised whores, more than likely to neglect their women/children, etc I just believe you have a better chance of finding a good women these days than a good man. Maybe its time for you ALL to take responsibility!

  • Ms.Classy

    @NuPerspectives:
    Well said. Good, educated black women still struggle to find a good black man because the option is slim. More black women are single moms, attending college, working, etc and we still get degraded by our men. We are accomplishing so much as a whole and when the question is asked “why can’t black women find good black men?” We are still to blame…can I get somebody to step into reality and “MAN-UP!” Our standards arent too high, yours is too low. Tell the truth about the players/male whores, about the gang bangers, drug dealers, no good fathers, corruption in our music, about the men in jail, the gay men/down low men, the men that can’t hold a job….look at the selection of men we have and then tell me my standards are too high. Tell me we have plenty of good men to choose from and you’re telling me a lie. I stopped believing fairytales a looong time ago….this is reality. There are some good men still left, but most of us have little to no options as it relates to “Good black men”.

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