What … the  … flying …. fuck?! I went to bed last night with happy thoughts and a happy feeling, and woke up this morning pretty much the same. After wolfing down a nice bowl of CHOCO-NILLA RICE KRISPIES (that good shit, especially with a few spoonfuls of sugar … don’t hate), I sit down at my Dell and find out that Paris Hilton, who just went to jail a mere 3 days ago, is out! She’s out for “good behavior” and will serve the rest of her term on house arrest is what I’m hearing. Aint that ’bout a bitch?! The ho already got 45 days shortened to 23, and now she gets released and put on “house arrest” for 40 days?? What kind of GARY COLEMAN bullshit is that?! Just done fucked my whole month up. How the hell am I gonna make fun of her on house arrest? And what about this critically acclaimed novel she’s supposed to be writing? It’s not gonna be much of an interesting read hearing her talk about her butler forgetting to make a smiley face with her eggs and bacon. Ain’t that ’bout a bitch?! Urgh, let me to recollect before somebody gets hurt up in this mofo. I … AM … PISSED! WIPE ME DOWN!